In my previous post, I offered up a simple tool to disrupt your inner bully. If you haven’t tried it yet, I highly recommend you do. It’s the easiest way I’ve found to diminish self-shaming.
Unwinding years (and often decades) of bullying yourself may seem hard, but not changing a behavior that affects you in negative ways is hard too.
Making a deliberate choice to end the war with my body was one of the best gifts I ever gave to myself.
When you judge yourself or someone else, you’re not helping yourself or them in any beneficial way.
I grew up in a household where we spent a lot of time picking other people apart. The tradition continues to this day…
- He walked around with his shirt off. I shouldn’t have to look at that!
- Did you see how fat cousin blahblahblah got?
- She needs to put down the cake and go to the gym.
- Um, has she heard of Botox?
It’s no surprise I struggled with my own self-image for so long.
I’ve willingly participated in these conversations in the past. I’ve chosen to no longer do so.
Many of us believe bringing other people down will make us feel better. It doesn’t. When we remark about fat (or cellulite, etc.), we are teaching our daughters and sisters and friends that it’s entirely appropriate to make comments about women’s bodies. That it’s okay to evaluate and critique other women. That they will be evaluated and critiqued.
“If she feels that way about blahblahblah, then what must she be thinking about me?”
What most people hear when you talk about any body is their interpretation about what that might mean about their body.
What I didn’t realize until very recently, was that my judgment of others had nothing to do with them + their flaws. It had everything to do with me + my insecurities. I was projecting what was within me onto others. My own judgments + insecurities became judgments about them.
As you become aware of your “other-judgments” you will likely notice how frequently they show up. You’re not a bad person for having these thoughts. Most women do.
Today, I’m asking you to stop giving them a voice.
If you find yourself judging another woman’s body, look for the lesson instead. What might be happening with you? What might you be projecting about yourself onto this other person? Get curious.
Most often, what is happening when we are judging someone else is this…
We are reacting to something we don’t like about ourselves.
We can use our energy for self-shaming and judging (which accomplishes zero) – or for compassion and kindness.
So how do you stop giving voice to judgments? Disrupt the pattern.
Start with practicing peace around your own body for a minimum of two weeks – then, move on to other-judgments when you feel ready.
When you notice that you’re judging someone negatively, simply say to yourself, “I choose peace,” or “this doesn’t serve me or anyone.” Pick a phrase that resonates with you.
Practicing a pattern of thinking makes it stronger. Each time you disrupt your judgments, the pattern weakens a little.
Now you might be thinking, “oh that’s nice, but not me.”
Yes, you!
Women spend way too much time + energy bashing themselves and others. It’s an epidemic. It’s making us miserable. And it needs to stop.
Commit to one day. If it goes well, try two weeks.
Your energy is precious. Your power is great.
Reallocating what you spend them on will change your life.
XO ~Robyn
I work with women who want to learn how to create real + lasting health changes. We’ll use a sustainable, practice-based approach to build healthy habits into your life, one day at a time for an entire year.
As your coach, I’ll provide accountability + direction + support every step of the way. I’ll help you stay consistent, no matter what life throws at you.
If this approach resonates with you, CLICK HERE for details on how to work together.