Hard times can break us – or they can help us grow into deeper + more compassionate human beings. And (I think) the difference between the two has to do with giving ourselves grace.
It’s been a difficult winter.
My husband lost his father suddenly a few months ago and my own Dad (who was very ill) passed three weeks later.
Navigating two terribly sad events in a row reaffirmed that I am a strong woman. Stronger and more resilient than I gave myself credit for.
But I am no superwoman.
About a week after losing my Dad, I sat down on the trail during a hike because I was overcome with emotion.
Some people might consider that a moment of weakness, but I considered it a victory.
A few years ago, I would have pushed through. Told myself to suck it up. To stop crying. To keep walking. I would have been embarrassed if anyone saw me there in the dirt.
But I let myself be messy. I let myself fully feel my truth without judgement. I gave myself grace in that moment.
Judging our emotions as wrong or bad or inappropriate or too much adds a tremendous amount of unnecessary suffering.
Looking back, there were many instances of giving myself grace this winter. Lowering expectations. Focusing on essential habits only (drink water, eat plenty of fruit + veggies, get enough sleep). Skipping the gym and walking outside instead. Hosting book club later in the year. Selling the hockey tickets.
Grace creates space to recover and heal. Grace is like a loving (and effective) parent. Grace is not the same as permissiveness.
No cake for dinner or woe is me or all day Netflix binges. Which would have been quite easy to justify.
The difference? Permissiveness feels good in the moment (like that pint of ice cream), but terrible long-term. Giving ourselves grace feels good both now and later.
I’m still figuring out this thing called life. I don’t have all the answers and never will. But one thing I know for sure is — learning to give myself grace has been a tremendous gift.
“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”
― Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior
💙 Robyn
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