I’ve been there. Oh, have I been there.
- It’s 2:47 am, and you’re wide awake
- Your bedroom is cool + crisp
- You’re wearing an eye mask – or using black out shades
- You haven’t touched caffeine since 10 am
- You’ve listened to sleep stories on your Calm app.
- And if you count one more stupid lamb, you’re going to scream
You’ve done everything right. Why can’t you sleep?
As it turns out, good sleep hygiene isn’t always enough.
Meanwhile, sleep loss can become a nightmarish cycle. The more nights you spend tossing and turning, the more you might:
- Associate your bed with anxiety and sleeplessness
- Sleep in, withdraw from daytime activities, and/or obsess about sleeping
- Develop a belief that you’re doomed to be a “bad sleeper”
The good news: There’s help.
If you’re having trouble sleeping, the following strategy has the potential to transform your sleep life in the same way it transformed mine.
Ready?
Train yourself to believe you can handle less-than-ideal sleep.
“I have to fall back asleep, or tomorrow is ruined.”
“I need a solid night’s sleep, or I’m going to blow my presentation.”
“I’m never going to be able to get through the day tomorrow.”
Sound familiar?
Frustratingly, it’s often your thoughts that turn one bad night into a pattern of bad nights.
When you worry, your body becomes alert and vigilant. This state of physiological arousal interferes with sleep, and—if it continues over time—you may even begin to define yourself as “a bad sleeper.”
Often, the best approach isn’t medication, supplements, or even some otherwise great sleep hygiene.
It’s addressing the underlying thoughts and emotions.
Build the skill: Reframe your thoughts.
Write down the thoughts or beliefs that come up when you don’t sleep well.
For example:
- I’ll never sleep well again.
- I can’t work out / think clearly / be in a good mood because I’m so tired.
- My bad sleep is going to cause me to get some terrible illness, like cancer or heart disease.
Notice how worried thoughts tend to:
- Use absolutes (like “always” or “never”)
- Predict the future (even though you’re not a licensed fortune-teller)
- See things as “all-or-nothing” (“If I don’t sleep well, I can’t do ANYTHING.”)
Now, reframe those beliefs using a nuanced perspective.
For example:
- I might lose sleep occasionally, but other nights will probably be okay.
- I’m not feeling my best, but I can do some exercise / work and maybe find a few moments of joy in my day.
- Sleep is just one aspect of good health. If I don’t sleep well, I can still make sure I eat nutritious foods, drink enough water, and maybe get outside for a few deep breaths.
Compassion in particular can activate your calming nervous system. Imagine: all those people, just like you, staring at the ceiling. Send them some imaginary kindness for their suffering, and mentally reassure them that they’ll be okay too.
Knowing a bit about sleep physiology can also be comforting.
For example:
- You probably drift into light sleep without realizing it. Ever caught someone snoozing during a movie, and when you called them on it, they swore they were awake?
- Your brain will eventually make you sleep. Often, even if it doesn’t FEEL like you’ve slept, you probably have. And although some nights you may sleep less, over time, your body will generally fall into a pattern of sleeping at least 5-6 hours a night.
With a little trust in your body, and some intentional reframing of your thoughts, you can train yourself to go from feeling like crappy sleep is a disaster, to feeling like it’s about as devastating as forgetting something at the grocery store.
💙 Robyn
Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.
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