Did you know that suffering and flourishing can occur together?
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. It simply CAN’T be one or the other. If you are a human being living on this Earth, you are faced with the delightful, the horrible, the beautiful, the worrying, and the hilarious – sometimes in the space of a single day (or, let’s be honest, a single hour).
I recently finished the ever so witty Kate Bowler’s, “No Cure for Being Human.”
She says life is…
…beautiful and terrible, full of hope and despair and everything in between – and there’s no cure for being human.
Yes indeed, Kate. Yes, indeed.
And then there’s this truth bomb…
Everybody pretends that you die only once. But that’s not true. You can die a thousand possible futures in the course of a single, stupid life.
We all face periods of hardship, uncertainty, and transition. So how do we navigate the churning waters of life when it feels like we’re being tossed around like a rowboat in a hurricane?
Focus on what you CAN control.
I know. I know. You’ve heard this one before.
There is so much we can’t control.
This feels really scary sometimes. We desperately want to know what’s going to happen in the future. (Preferably, that everything will be okay.) It can be really easy to spiral into a frenzy of uncertainty, panic, and/or frustration over stuff we have zero control over. Yet we often have more control than we realize.
There are factors and elements that we CAN control in healthy and productive ways. We can show up for those things, own them, and take an active part in shaping them.
Focusing on those things that we can control can help us feel calmer and more capable of carrying on.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by what seems like uncontrollable chaos around you, try this exercise…
First, validate your struggle. You’re not “wrong” for feeling overwhelmed – there’s a lot going on, and much of it is out of your control.
Next, explore what you have control over.
For example:
- Moving your body (using whatever means you have access to right now, even if that means simply going on a walk)
- Managing your mindset and attitude, or the story you’re telling about what things mean
- Getting adequate rest (by prioritizing naps or getting to bed on time)
- What information you allow in your mental space, and what sources it comes from
- Connecting with people you care about
- Helping those in need
Consciously commit to focusing on and acting on the things in your control, rather than the ones beyond your total control. And – take a moment to grieve the loss of control if you need to. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that much of the world operates without us as general manager.
Big virtual hugs to anyone going through a hard time right now. The most “wonderful” time of the year can sometimes be the most difficult.
💙 Robyn
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