Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

By

Messing Up is Part of the Process

About 10 years ago, I enrolled in a Weight Loss Coaching Certification program. I was already certified as a Health Coach with ACE, but that program didn’t teach about the mindset of weight loss. The new program was ALL about mindset.

During my certification, I was asked to assess any overeating I did. What did I overeat? What were my sabotaging thoughts?

But, I DID NOT DO IT.

Why?

Because I was beating myself up for not being perfect instead. I was too busy swimming in shame + comparison + judgement.

  • How can a Health Coach possibly make mistakes?
  • I’m supposed to be the example.
  • Who would hire a coach that overate sometimes (or GASP, gained weight)?

I tried SO HARD to do it all perfectly so I wouldn’t have to feel the shame of overeating and the shame of trying to hide it. As you might suspect, that approach didn’t work very well.

Perfectionism is often a symptom of low self-worth. And our self-worth has nothing to do with what we weigh or what we’ve accomplished in life. Low self-worth comes from a story we’re telling and believing.

I believed my own bullshit story about not being enough for a LONG time. Much too long.

Not every woman who struggles with food is a perfectionist, but so many are. The best way I have found to rewrite the perfectionist script is to do the work. I ask my clients to show up no matter how sideways things go.

To post what they’re eating in Ate.

To assess how their day went.

To get on the scale.

I do the same and freely share this information with my clients. Especially when I make mistakes.

If my clients feel compelled to hide, I ask them to simply notice why. Without judgement. With curiosity. Just notice. You can do the same.

What are you thinking that is causing you to not want to post the cookies in your food journal?

What are you thinking that is keeping you from getting on the scale?

What gets uncovered are the bullshit lies we’re telling ourselves that are causing us to feel not good enough.

Once the thoughts are out of your head and on paper, read it back and ask, what could I say that might be more helpful?

A few suggestions…

  • I’m willing to believe that messing up is not a tragedy
  • I might be wrong about not having what it takes to change my behavior
  • I am becoming a person who believes in herself
  • I am someone who is willing to learn from my mistakes
  • I don’t have to believe everything I think about myself
  • I will figure this out as long as I keep moving forward
  • I can choose to keep going
  • I am a person who doesn’t give up on her weight loss goals

The #1 reason we quit on losing weight is not because we ate too much cake or gained 2 pounds. The #1 reason we quit is because we beat ourselves up when we make mistakes and that feels like crap.

Quitting on weight loss means we no longer have to endure the floggings. Quitting offers instant relief. Until — we start right back up with the mental floggings for failing again + being overweight. On to the next diet!

Let’s END THIS CYCLE. 

We WILL make mistakes when we’re losing weight. Messing up is PART OF THE PROCESS. The key to success is learning to process mistakes without judgement.

If you’re not practicing normalizing mistakes, you’re going to keep quitting on weight loss.

Mistakes are not keeping you from losing weight. Mistakes are TELLING you what you need to change to lose weight. When the low fuel indicator light comes on, you problem solve, right? You find a gas station + put gas in your tank + keep going. You don’t beat yourself up about it + ditch the car on the side of the road.

A mistake is simply an action or decision that produces a result you don’t want. It’s not a statement about your ability to lose weight.

Stop believing the pile of lies you’re currently telling yourself about why you can’t lose weight.

You can think (and believe) something new.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

By

I Gained Weight

I gained a few pounds this year.

And this was the BEST GIFT for so many reasons.

I lost my weight 20 years ago. About 50 pounds. And since then, I’ve kept within my healthy range. But I recently crept into a place where I just didn’t feel good in my body. 

The last few months have been a bit rough. My father in law died in December + my Dad died three weeks later + COVID. 

Note: This is not a plea for sympathy. Life is just hard sometimes. And when shit gets hard, my husband bakes bread like he is feeding an army. FOR REAL.

Over the past few months, I was eating too much fresh bread + drinking too many gin and tonics + generally snacking more frequently than usual. 

This is probably a good time to share a “rule” I adhere to around weight gain. 

I never blame other people or circumstances for gaining weight. There is only person who decides what and how much I eat – and that person is ME. 

So, I got to work. I faced the weight gain with curiosity + a “let’s figure this out” attitude. And that’s why it was a gift. Because it put me in YOUR shoes + helped me generate a bunch of new ideas for helping my clients lose weight.

For the entire month of May I started doing the things (or thinking I was doing the things). Cutting back here and there. Less alcohol. Less bread. Hiking in the morning AND evening. And the scale didn’t budge.  

Sometimes it takes a minute (or a month) to figure things out. Sometimes we need to go from gaining to maintaining first.

But in the moment, my brain began swirling with…

  • Guess it’s just going to be harder to lose weight at 45
  • Maybe you just need to settle in at 140
  • But I don’t understand WHY I’m not losing. I’m doing ALL THE THINGS!

I put an end to that BS thinking FAST. Because it was in no way going to help me solve this.

What I did instead was get curious + shift into problem solving mode.

Then…

For a few days in a row in June, I crushed it. I stuck to my plan. And the scale went up. Here’s what I know FOR SURE after a decade of coaching women on weight loss.

The scale doesn’t always reflect our actions. Because hormones + weather + hydration + physiology. We have to stay focused + be patient and then BOOM, the scale moves.

No matter what that scale said, I was proud of the way I showed up and wasn’t going to let the scale steal that from me. I wasn’t going to throw away all those good feelings because I didn’t lose half a frickin’ pound.

But what we normally do is tell ourselves… 

  • This isn’t working!
  • It’s not fair. 
  • I’m broken. 

Which inevitably leads to a pity party with pizza and donuts and screwing ourselves over. 

I follow the same advice I give to my clients. Lose the weight in a way that is sustainable + you ENJOY. Losing the weight and keeping it off doesn’t have to be hard. But that’s what we’ve been sold by the diet industry.

Eat 1200 calories (HARD!)

Cut out the carbs (SERIOUSLY?!)

Count every calorie (SUCKS!)

Trade in all the foods you love for foods that taste like crap (NOPE!)

And what makes it hardest of all is while we’re trying to follow some hideous diet plan, we’re usually BEATING OURSELVES UP the entire time.

  • I suck
  • I don’t deserve food that tastes good
  • I’m disgusting
  • Look at that belly
  • There is something wrong with me

I’ve come to the conclusion that being mean to ourselves is the #1 reason we don’t succeed at losing the weight + keeping it off. Followed close behind by believing stories that aren’t serving us like, “I don’t have the time,” or, “But I just love food too much,” or,” My family will SUFFER if I make myself a priority.”

Our brain is wired to look for problems + what is WRONG, and it takes a bit of practice to unwind that pattern.

There are two questions I ask myself every single morning as part of my “Plan + Assess” routine. I’ve started asking my clients to do the same.   

(1) What did I do well yesterday?

(2) What is one thought I want to deliberately think about myself today?

My answer to question #2 today – I am a weight loss badass!

When we feel better, we do better.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

By

Ignoring the Pressure to Be Productive

COVID-19 has effectively blown through our lives like an F5 tornado and completely uprooted our sense of safety and normalcy.

This is a situation unlike any we’ve experienced before. Most people are feeling a combination of unprecedented fear + uncertainty.

When will I be able to (safely) fly and see my Mom again?

Will my sister/husband/friend lose their job/business?

Will there be toilet paper at the grocery store today?

Will school reopen in the Fall?

Another consequence of COVID-19 (and contributor to anxiety) is that we’re being urged to use this time to learn a new language or train for a half marathon or improve ourselves in some way.

The pressure is convincing. I fully admit to moments where I considered starting a garden or cleaning + organizing the basement.

Ultimately, I didn’t do either of those things.

It’s okay to opt out of COVID self-improvement/hustle culture.

Hustle culture is the societal standard that you can only succeed by exerting yourself at max capacity. Every single day. Hustle culture does not take lunch breaks. Hustle culture does not slow down. Even when faced with a global pandemic. Especially when faced with a global pandemic.

No more two-hour daily commute? You better fill that time with something productive.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been invited to not one, not two, but THREE workout accountability groups on Facebook. A virtual home for posting quarantine workout plans and Peloton stats and miles ran or meters rowed each day.

While I believe it’s important to take care of our physical body right now, I quietly removed myself from each and every group.

Taking time to do things that aren’t necessarily productive, or part of a pages-long to-do list, reminds us that there is more to our time on this planet than just getting things done.

If it feels good to set big goals, have at it. But if the basics are all you can manage, that’s okay too.

There is no right way to “do” a pandemic.

I am safe. I am healthy. My loved ones are safe and healthy. And that’s all that matters to me right now.

I am grateful to be privileged enough to even consider participating in COVID hustle culture.

The internet wants you to believe you aren’t doing enough with all that “extra time” you have now. But staying inside and attending to basic needs is plenty.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

By

Giving Ourselves Grace

Hard times can break us – or they can help us grow into deeper + more compassionate human beings. And (I think) the difference between the two has to do with giving ourselves grace.

It’s been a difficult winter.

My husband lost his father suddenly a few months ago and my own Dad (who was very ill) passed three weeks later.

Navigating two terribly sad events in a row reaffirmed that I am a strong woman. Stronger and more resilient than I gave myself credit for.

But I am no superwoman.

About a week after losing my Dad, I sat down on the trail during a hike because I was overcome with emotion.

Some people might consider that a moment of weakness, but I considered it a victory.

A few years ago, I would have pushed through. Told myself to suck it up. To stop crying. To keep walking. I would have been embarrassed if anyone saw me there in the dirt.

But I let myself be messy. I let myself fully feel my truth without judgement. I gave myself grace in that moment.

Judging our emotions as wrong or bad or inappropriate or too much adds a tremendous amount of unnecessary suffering.

Looking back, there were many instances of giving myself grace this winter. Lowering expectations. Focusing on essential habits only (drink water, eat plenty of fruit + veggies, get enough sleep). Skipping the gym and walking outside instead. Hosting book club later in the year. Selling the hockey tickets.

Grace creates space to recover and heal. Grace is like a loving (and effective) parent. Grace is not the same as permissiveness.

No cake for dinner or woe is me or all day Netflix binges. Which would have been quite easy to justify.

The difference? Permissiveness feels good in the moment (like that pint of ice cream), but terrible long-term. Giving ourselves grace feels good both now and later.

I’m still figuring out this thing called life. I don’t have all the answers and never will. But one thing I know for sure is — learning to give myself grace has been a tremendous gift.

“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”

― Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.