I have coached and trained enough women to know that the more they obsess over what they put in their mouths, the harder it is for them to lose the weight permanently. I’m not talking about awareness here. Awareness is fantastic. I’m talking about obsession – and your obsession with food may very well be keeping you from losing the weight.

Here are a few examples of diet mentality…

Did I eat too many carbs? Not enough fat? Is this clean enough? There are seven ingredients listed here and Michael Pollan says only eat things with five or less. Maybe I should try Paleo or vegetarianism or that new diet Dr. Oz was talking about?

You get the point.

Helping my clients overcome diet mentality is one of my goals. It’s not about how many pounds my Chickadees lose (that’s simply a side effect of this work). It’s about healing their relationship with food and their bodies and teaching them to trust themselves when it comes to what and how much to eat.

I recently stumbled upon this blog post by Lisa Eisenstadt of The Daily Muse and loved it so much that I decided to post it here.

It seems like there’s a new fad diet or food “discovery” nearly every day that promises to help us lose weight and be healthier. But is eating right and maintaining a healthy weight so complicated that we must drown ourselves in new techniques and data, searching for the ever-elusive answer to our body issues?

Thankfully, no. Eating right is a practice, and there are some pretty straightforward ways to get and stay on track. But perhaps what’s equally important is understanding why these “diets” don’t work—so you can ditch them once and for all. Here’s why you should forget about the “promising” eating programs—plus tips for how to live a healthy life, the right way.

1. There’s No “One-Size-Fits-All” Approach

Each person has unique nutritional requirements, so when experts say “eat whole wheat” or “dairy is good for you,” it’s a generalization—one person’s food may be another’s poison. It takes great personal attention to determine what type of lifestyle changes and diet regimen is best for you, and it’ll be based on your age, activity level, genetic heritage, and personal preferences.

So instead of trying to fit into a cookie-cutter eating plan, remember to be true to yourself. Learn how to eat a well-balanced diet—and one that’s based on your specific needs.

2. Diets Come Between You and Your Body

Think about it—you’ll never come across an overweight deer or a bird that’s had too many seeds. Animals in the wild know when, what, and how much to eat—and it’s not because they read the latest diet books, it’s because they trust their inner needs.

If you depend on external sources to tell you what to eat, it becomes impossible to trust your body. Try replacing advice and opinions from others on what feels right to you. Tune in closely to your body before, during, and after every meal, snack, or beverage. You’ll begin to recognize how certain foods change the way you feel, and you’ll learn that your body already knows exactly what it needs to thrive.

3. Diets Cause Cravings

Many diet plans significantly reduce—or even eliminate—foods high in nutritional value. Whether it’s low-carb, low-fat, or low-calorie, a diet lacking essential nutrients can cause your body to crave non-nutritional forms of energy. Plus, your body’s ideal state is balance, so eating too much or not enough of a food will cause you to crave its opposite. For example, eating too much meat can cause cravings for sugar or alcohol.

In order to form healthy, life-long eating habits without the cravings produced by diets, it’s important to couple listening to what’s right for your body with a well-balanced diet of whole foods.

4. Diets Turn Into Rebellions

Diet plans sound promising at first: Eat this, not that, and you’ll lose weight and feel great. Problem is, no one likes to be told what to do—and that includes your body. You’ll always want more of whatever it is you “can’t” have.

That’s why it’s critical to learn practical tools for making healthy food choices without the strict guidelines of a diet. You’ll avoid the feelings of deprivation and submission, plus you’ll prepare yourself for a lifetime of nutritious eating.

5. Diets are Stressful

Worrying about what you can and can’t eat puts your body in a constant state of stress. And, since your body can’t distinguish real danger (an attacker) from that which you’ve created (“I shouldn’t have eaten that!”), your brain produces the same “flight or flight” survival response.

This causes the brain to trigger the stress hormone cortisol, which boosts insulin, a hormone that signals the body to stop building muscle and store more fat. So even if you follow a diet perfectly, stressing about food can create a metabolic environment within your body that actually prohibits you from losing weight.

On the other hand, by learning how to be mindful of and happy with the food you consume, you’re creating a more relaxed body, one that’s conducive to maintaining a healthy weight.

6. Food is Never the Real Problem

Diets promise to help you lose weight, be healthy, and find happiness. However, eating isn’t always just about food—it’s often used as a substitute for entertainment or to fill a void we feel in other areas of life. Dissatisfaction with a relationship or job, a poor exercise regimen (too much, too little, or the wrong type), boredom, or stress may all cause you to make poor nutritional choices.

So, take a step back and think about whether there are other aspects of your life worth paying attention to. You might find that there are ways to nourish your body, mind, and soul that will help you live a healthier life much more quickly than dieting.

Diets might mean well by trying to get us to think about our health, but in the long run, they only delay learning good eating patterns. The real solution to maintaining a healthy weight—for good—is to lose the diet mindset and adopt wellness as a way of life.

I returned from New Jersey yesterday, the state in which I lived for the first 23 years of my life. Going home has always been an emotional experience for me.

I left New Jersey because I desperately needed to hit the reset button. Some might say I escaped or ran away from my problems. I disagree.

In order to heal, grow and change, we sometimes need space – and lots of it. Like a plant that has outgrown it’s pot. My new pot was the state of Colorado and a fresh start with my husband Brett.

I’ve blossomed as a result, but until now, there has always been lingering pain around my family and my childhood.

In the days before my most recent trip, that familiar feeling of anxiety emerged, as it always does when I’m headed East. But I made a different choice this time. I decided to embrace the anxiety – no more ignoring the emotion and hoping it would just go away (FYI – it won’t).

We think it’s so much easier to ignore a negative emotion. We’d rather pull the covers up over our head than face the truth. Guess what, it’s not easier, it just makes it hurt more.

My coaching mentor, Brooke Castillo, says it so well:

We know we are eating to avoid the sadness (or anger or disappointment). The pain seems so much more difficult than the cookies. But it’s not. The pain covered in cookies becomes pain covered in fat, covered in more pain. Pain is hard. To go through and feel the emotion instead of avoiding/distracting takes courage.

As a coach, I understand the power of emotion. When something feels bad, it’s a red flag, the body’s way of saying, hey, something needs paying attention to, look at me, listen to me.

I decided to listen this time.

I’ve been holding onto a dream for 37 years. The dream of a large, close knit family with holiday traditions and Sunday dinners, weekly phone calls and family vacations, barbecues and long Skype sessions. The dream of a childhood filled with memories of peace and stability, rather than fear and uncertainty.

Here’s the truth – when you spend all of your time wishing and longing, you miss the reality of what is. And what is can be amazing.

I recognize that now. While descending into Denver International Airport yesterday, 30,000 feet or so above Nebraska, I decided to answer this question – what is perfect about my family?

1. I am on speaking terms with and genuinely love my parents, sisters and nieces. So many families no longer speak. The pain tears them apart. Although we don’t talk or visit often, I know that I can pick up the phone at any time and chat with my Mom, Dad or sisters and they’ll be happy to hear my voice and I’ll be happy to hear theirs.

2. I have an amazing husband. Brett has a heart of gold. He is kind, generous and forgiving. He is my best friend and my soul mate. I’ve known him for almost 20 years and he loves and accepts me for exactly who I am.

3. My husband’s family is the big, loud, fun, crazy, close-knit bunch that I always wanted to be a part of. When I first met my husband’s family, I didn’t know what to make of them. I didn’t want to be a part of their family. I hid in the corner like a frightened dog. I was jealous. I was insecure. I felt sorry for myself. All of that has changed over the years. I attended a Spurr family BBQ on Sunday, even though Brett was here in Colorado. That’s something I would have NEVER done, not even a few years ago.

After I left, I sent a text to Brett’s cousin Ilene. It said, thanks again for the invite. I just love your family. She replied, you mean our family.

Wow!

4. I have family traditions – and they are awesome. So it’s not Christmas at Aunt so and so’s house, but who cares. It’s Christmas Eve at Taos Pueblo with bonfires and Native American dancing. It’s Thanksgiving in New Mexico at our friend Gina’s house, which is always packed with the most fabulously eccentric mix of artists, doctors, ex-Wall Streeters and ski bums. It’s the cheesiest card competition on Valentine’s Day and our annual Vegas vacation with my hilarious father-in-law and his wife Beth, who I adore.

I could go on, but this post isn’t really about me. It’s about you and the emotions you’re avoiding. I can promise you this, the pain of avoidance is so much greater than the pain of acceptance. In fact, acceptance feels amazing, like a giant weight has been lifted. Acceptance allows the light and love to come flooding in.

It can be scary as hell to confront our emotions. But the alternative is a destructive monster called avoidance, and that monster so often leads to depression, violence, addiction, loneliness and yes, obesity.

I’m not going to tell you what to do. But the next time that familiar feeling rises up – you know the one – remember that you have a choice. You can avoid it or you listen to what it’s trying so hard to tell you.

If that frightens the shit out of you, start with a single question, what is perfect about this situation?