I tell my clients to eat anything they want 10% of the time. It’s known as Joy Eating. It’s eating for taste, fun and pleasure.

Most diets “fail” because we give up. We get sick of feeling deprived. We’re hungry. We’re cranky. We want to go back to the way things were. Before there were rules.

Can you see the dilemma here?

We’ve convinced ourselves that the only way to lose weight is through starvation, deprivation and/or punishment. Is it any wonder we don’t stick to our diets?

We read diet book after diet book until we find a shiny new set of rules. We think, this is the diet that’s going to work!

That’s a lie. Stopping telling yourself lies.

It’s just the same old diet philosophy with a new name, wrapped up in a pretty new cover and sprinkled with fairy dust.

This cover above kills me. Only two steps to keep the weight off forever. Such brilliant marketing.

Losing weight shouldn’t feel like punishment – under any circumstances. But that’s exactly what we do to ourselves. Recall for a moment, the many conversations you’ve had with yourself leading up to and during a diet.

• I’m disgusting, look at all this weight I’ve gained.
• I’m just lazy.
• How did this happen?
• I let myself go.
• What’s wrong with me?
• I’ll never lose this weight.

What you’re really telling yourself is this – I’m bad and I deserve to be punished. Ouch!

My very first action with new clients is to help them clean up their thinking regarding the weight loss process. It’s the key to success. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s absolutely possible. Especially with the help of an awesome and supportive coach who’s been down that road. LOL!

When my own clothes start to feel a little snug and I know it’s time to drop a few pounds, I coach myself in the same way I coach my clients. I take the time necessary to clean up my thoughts until I’m excited to start my own weight loss journey.

I’m currently on this journey. The past 6 months have been a bit crazy ’round here. That’s life. We have ups and downs. I had foot surgery at the end of October and wasn’t released to full activity until mid-January. Once I was back on my feet, I had to get my personal training business up and running again. At the same time, I was whipping my body back into shape (holy muscle atrophy).

A month or so later, I immersed myself in one of the most intense coaching certification programs out there. It made college seem like a piece of cake.

After completing the program, I worked diligently to meet all of the requirements for full certification. Currently, I’m smack dab in the middle of reading, writing, marketing, revamping and creating in order to deliver the best weight loss coaching program known to man (or woman). I’m having a blast!

So what’s the deal with title of this post?

On Monday, I began a three week clean eating regimen. No sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol and no white flour.

SAY WHAT!?

Robyn, didn’t you just write all about the evils of deprivation diets?

Absolutely! But if you can embark on an eating adventure from a place of self-love and excitement, it’s all good.

Here’s the deal. I haven’t gained a bunch of weight, very little in fact. I’m not eating donuts and Doritos by the truck load. What I did notice, was that I was turning to my favorite joy foods more often. Coffee was replacing water, my chocolate consumption was on the rise and my old nemesis, Diet Coke found it’s way back into my life – like a toxic ex-boyfriend.

I decided to stop the train and get off before too much damage was done.

It’s currently day three of my “detox” and I feel great. Not a deprived bone in my body. There is chocolate AND Diet Coke in my house. The hubby loves the stuff. But he can drink a glass and he’s good. Not this chick. Once upon a time, I could stack cans of Diet Coke into a pyramid over the course of a day.

So, what’s the lesson here?

It’s all about your attitude. If you start off a weight loss journey kicking and screaming it will never work out long term. You will gain it back. I promise.

You’ve got to get your head straight first. Clear out the cobwebs, old programming and negative thinking. It’s why diets fail. Your mind is still all ugly and negative.

That’s why I love weight loss coaching. I help women change the old, worn out tape that’s been running in their minds along with providing the knowledge and tools to lose the weight and keep it off for good.

With a little practice, you too can get excited about three weeks without coffee or chocolate. Okay, LOTS of practice. For now, keep on eating those joy foods 10% of the time.

*I want to say thank you to the brilliant and beautiful women who embarked on the Weight Loss Coaching Certification journey with me. The bond we’ve formed is the greatest and most unexpected gift of this entire process. Women need the support of other women. I know this now. I was inspired to create a private forum for my clients as a result of my experience. A positive place to turn to if they need advice or a virtual “hug”. A place where women can share with and support one another. Stay tuned for a blog post on this topic. And big hugs to my fellow hellcat ninja sisters. I love you. XOXO

Sometimes people ask if I can fix them. First of all, I can’t “fix” anyone or make them lose weight. Only YOU can inspire change in your life. I simply provide the tools, experience and encouragement.

Secondly, we don’t need fixing. When you feel like you need to be “fixed” it implies that you think you’re broken. We’re not TV’s or toasters, we’re human beings and you ARE NOT BROKEN.

The tools I teach my clients are tools they will use for as long as they want to continue to learn, heal and grow. Self “work” doesn’t end like a 30-day sugar detox – and that’s a good thing.

I was at the gym the other day and found myself comparing my body to another female trainer. Let’s call her “Amy”. Amy is maybe 5’7″ with very long legs. She is a yoga instructor and has a typical yoga body – thin and toned.

In my mind, I thought, I should look like her.

That thought hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew I needed to do a little self coaching. When I got home I took out my trusty journal did a brain dump (no judgement, just write).

I know a little bit about Amy. She was always thin and was a competitive swimmer. I don’t know much about her childhood, but let’s assume it was peachy.

I, on the other hand, am not naturally thin or athletic. I am 5’5″. I have a muscular build, made even more muscular by the fact that I love strength training. And as a child, I was full of anxiety, self-hate and fear.

Amy and I have a different set of circumstances.

I know women who cut out pictures of “perfect” bodies and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror for inspiration. I was one of them. I don’t do that anymore.

Some of us are capable of being a size 2 and can stay there with ease.

I’m not one of those women and neither are most of my clients.

Sure, I could deprive and suffer my way to 120 pounds and fit into those size 2 jeans. I could obsessively count calories, eliminate all starches, never drink wine again and go to the gym every day for 2 hours. I would be miserable, exhausted and hungry. But I’d be skinny.

Screw that!

I’m right in the middle of the normal range for my height. I’m don’t let myself starve. I eat healthy but also enjoy “joy” foods like chocolate, wine and bread. I hit the gym maybe 3 or 4 times week and I “bring it” when I’m there. Then I take the next day off to honor my body and let it rest.

I am currently living in a body that feels strong and healthy for me. Your strong and healthy might be 120 pounds or 200 pounds. It all depends.

I teach my clients to identify the hurtful thoughts they are having about their bodies and replace them with better feeling ones.

My replacement thought was, “I don’t look like her and that’s okay.” It feels so much better.

Pay attention to those seemingly harmless little sentences in your mind. Many of us don’t recognize how often we’re thinking them. When you notice one, capture it and write it down. Then find a better feeling thought. Because you don’t need fixing, but your thoughts sometimes do.

Looking for some new pictures to hang on the fridge?

Check out Courtney Crozier or sisters Olivia and Hannah from Biggest Loser 11. Now that’s my kind of inspiration!

This post was inspired by two separate articles I read today on the science of obesity. The old, “fat people are just lazy” ideology is being debunked right and left. Sadly, society hasn’t kept up with the scientific research.

Think about it. Making fun of someone because of their IQ, disability, religion, race or sexual preference is generally not acceptable. Making fun of fat people – well that’s just fine. Especially fat kids, they’re hi-lar-i-ous. Just watch a few hours of TV or listen in on the conversations around you.

Disgusting isn’t it? It’s bullying. It’s discrimination. It’s hate. And it’s devastating to children AND adults. Even if they’re laughing along with you. Honestly, what do you expect them to do?

Some folks never struggle with overeating or their weight. Lucky ducks!

Some of us do. There are many reasons. Laziness does not top the list.

I’ve linked to the first article here if you’d like to read it yourself, which I highly recommend. If not, here are the biggest takeaways along with my comments.

“Our model predicts that if you eat 100 calories fewer a day, in three years you will, on average, lose 10 pounds — if you don’t cheat.”

Long term changes equal long term results. Period.

***

“One of the things the numbers have shown us is that weight change, up or down, takes a very, very long time. All diets work. But the reaction time is really slow: on the order of a year. People don’t wait long enough to see what they are going to stabilize at. So if you drop weight and return to your old eating habits, the time it takes to crawl back to your old weight is something like three years.”

This point brilliantly highlights why “crash” diets and quick fixes don’t work long term. Most folks go “on a diet” to lose the weight and then go “off the diet” once they reach their goal or get tired of starving and/or depriving themselves. My advice – go slow. Make life long changes when it comes to diet and exercise. And spend some time figuring out why the heck you’re overeating in the first place.

***

“There’s no magic bullet on this. You simply have to cut calories and be vigilant for the rest of your life.”

This one is pretty dang clear. No need for me to elaborate.

***

“People think that the epidemic has to be caused by genetics or that physical activity has gone down. Yet levels of physical activity have not really changed in the past 30 years. As for the genetic argument, yes, there are people who are genetically disposed to obesity, but if they live in societies where there isn’t a lot of food, they don’t get obese.”

There is too much food (in the US). It’s marketed like crazy. It’s cheap. And some of us have a genetic predisposition to want to eat more of it. This leads me to the next article.

***

“Reward circuits in the brain are sensitized in anorexic women and desensitized in obese women. The findings also suggest that eating behavior is related to brain dopamine pathways involved in addictions.”

Does that mean you should throw your hands in the air and give up. Hell no!

Bottom line is that you need to make long term lifestyle changes. I wrote about my own journey here. It started nearly 15 years ago. I didn’t magically transform from an obese chick to a personal trainer overnight.

I want to help other women lose the weight for good. It’s the reason I pour my heart and soul into this work. I’m always considering ways to make my weight loss coaching programs more effective. Most programs out there are 6 or 12 week intensives. Quick and dirty. I’ve found this can lead to information overload and overwhelm. The client finishes the program, breathes a sigh of relief and then goes back to their old ways.

This recent research (along with my own experience) has given me even more evidence that I am on the right track. I plan to break my program up into four separate month long “phases” that can be purchased individually. Clients can sign up for the next phase once they have processed and integrated what they’ve learned and feel ready to move on.

It’s a more realistic approach. It allows the time necessary to make lasting changes that will ultimately translate into successful long term results.

You’re not lazy, stupid  or broken. You’re a complex biological system.

Be patient with yourself. Stop crash dieting and beating yourself up for “failing” again.

Go as slow as you need to go.

Not only will you lose the weight for good, but you’ll lose it without losing your mind!