Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Weight Loss Coaching

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Of Course We Crave Cookies

I had a lightbulb moment a few years back that provided a monumental sense of inner peace. It went something like this…

Of course we crave cookies and french fries. Our desire for sugar, salt and fat is the reason that humans still exist.

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Let me explain…

None of us would be alive today if some of our ancestors weren’t really good at gaining weight and hanging on to those pounds during times of drought, famine and harsh weather. Truth is, humans who were unable to do this simply vanished from the gene pool.

Today we’re faced with an abundance of processed foods filled with sugar, salt and fat. This creates a bit of a mismatch between our instincts and our environment.

We like to beat ourselves up for craving so-called “bad” foods. In our minds, we replay the following sentences over and over…

  • Why can’t I stop thinking about food?
  • What’s wrong with me?
  • I’m broken.
  • I’m obsessed.
  • I’ll never lose weight.
  • I’m disgusting.
  • I’m a failure.
  • I’m a food addict.
  • I’m bad.

Sound familiar?

Try this – think of someone you love with all your heart. Go ahead and create a mental image of that person. Now imagine telling that person they are disgusting, broken and bad – day in and day out for years. Can you see how beating yourself up on a daily basis may not be the best path to a healthy and happy life?

It’s time to move beyond self-judgement and guilt. It’s time to treat ourselves with compassion and understanding.

Does this mean it’s okay to go and scarf down an entire pepperoni pizza? Of course not.

But, once we stop resisting the truth about ourselves, we can stop the suffering caused by inflicting words of self-hate for a hardwired craving that allowed our ancestors to reproduce. We can stop the negative self-talk and begin to practice forgiveness, compassion and gratitude.

Sugar, salt and fat were not widely available for most of human history. We live in remarkable times surrounded by remarkable amounts of cheap food. It’s why willpower doesn’t work. It’s pretty tough to overcome a survival instinct.

The next time you begin to beat yourself up for eating the cookie, practice compassion instead. I can almost guarantee it will be easier, not harder to step away from the cookies.

 

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4 Diet Books Worth Reading

I thought the title of this post might grab your attention.

Don’t worry, I haven’t suddenly embraced the madness of fad diets and I assure you, Eat Right For Your Type and The Dukan Diet did NOT make my list – oh, heck no!

In fact, the brilliant books I chose to feature, have more to do with HOW and WHY you eat than WHAT you eat.

There is a monumental difference between simply wanting to lose weight and creating a healthy relationship with food and your body. I’m much more interested in the latter.

Once we give up trying to hate ourselves thin and start to nurture mindfulness, acceptance, truth and forgiveness – the real healing that leads to permanent weight loss can begin.

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#1 The Slow Down Diet – Marc David

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This is hands down, my favorite “diet” book.

Most people propel themselves through life at a dizzying pace that is contrary to a healthy lifestyle. We eat fast, on the run, and often under stress, not only removing most of the pleasure we might derive from our food and creating digestive upset, but also wreaking havoc on our metabolism. Many of us come to the end of a day feeling undernourished, uninspired, and overweight.

In The Slow Down Diet Marc David presents a new way to understand our relationship to food, focusing on quality and the possibilities of pleasure in eating to transform and improve metabolism. ~Amazon Book Description

#2 Mindful Eating – Dr. Jan Chozen Bays

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The art of mindfulness can transform our struggles with food and renew our sense of pleasure, appreciation, and satisfaction with eating. Drawing on recent research and integrating her experiences as a physician and meditation teacher, Dr. Jan Bays offers a wonderfully clear presentation of what mindfulness is and how it can help with food issues.

Mindful eating is an approach that involves bringing one’s full attention to the process of eating—to all the tastes, smells, thoughts, and feelings that arise during a meal. Whether you are overweight, suffer from an eating disorder, or just want to get more out of life, this book offers a simple tool that can make a remarkable difference. ~Amazon Book Description

#3 In Defense of Food – Michael Pollan

In Defence of Food

The more we worry about nutrition, the less healthy we seem to become. With In Defense of Food, Pollan proposes a new (and very old) answer to the question of what we should eat that comes down to seven simple but liberating words: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Pollan’s bracing and eloquent manifesto shows us how we can start making thoughtful food choices that will enrich our lives, enlarge our sense of what it means to be healthy, and bring pleasure back to eating. ~Amazon Book Description

#4 The Gifts of Our Compulsions – Mary O’Malley

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Everyone is compulsive to some degree. People may worry too much, work too hard, or overindulge in food or alcohol or drug use. Once a compulsion is admitted, the usual option is to try to control the behavior. But this effort typically ends with the problem returning, or a new one taking its place.

In this book based on three decades of research and teaching, Mary O’Malley has crafted a new approach, with simple exercises and techniques and an inspiring tone. People are compulsive for a reason, she says, and by observing the things they are compulsive about and engaging those compulsions, readers can begin to understand them and change their actions around them. ~Amazon Book Description

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Reading these books will not make you thin. If you want to change your life and your weight for good, you have to do more than read – you have to do the work.

There are no quick fixes. No shakes, pills or “programs” that will do the trick. Losing weight permanently is about digging deep and getting to heart of the matter – discovering WHY you eat when you’re not hungry.

The GOOD news – learning to make peace with food and your body is a wild and fascinating adventure of self-discovery and self-evolution.

The GREAT news – it can be one of the most powerful and worthwhile journeys you’ll ever go on.

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But I Deserve It!

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Most of my clients come to me with a whole plethora of sabotaging thoughts around food and weight loss. They’re our convenient excuses – the words we say to give ourselves permission to overeat or indulge when we’re not hungry.

And to be downright honest, these thoughts are one of the top reasons we become overweight and stay there.

Here are a few examples…

  • It’s okay to eat this because…I’ve worked so hard today; I’m stressed; It’s just a little taste; I’m sick; I’ve been so good this week; I already blew it; I’ll make up for it tomorrow, I deserve it; etc.
  • I just don’t want to deal with it today.
  • The cookies will make me feel so much better.

And so on.

The first step is to identify your most common sabotaging thoughts. Pay attention as you reach for the cookies, pull into the McDonald’s drive thru or press B4 on the vending machine. What exactly are you thinking right before taking action? Pinpoint your recurring saboteurs.

Next, create a new response to use when in the same situation. Here are a few ideas using the samples above…

Sabotaging Thought: It’s okay to eat this because it’s just a little taste.

New Response: So what if it’s just a little taste. Every time I eat when I’m not hungry, I’m exercising my “give in” muscle and make it more likely that I’ll do it again the next time. The amount of calories doesn’t matter, it’s about not reinforcing the old habits.

Sabotaging Thought: I just don’t want to deal with it today.

New Response: I can “deal with it” now or later when my clothes don’t fit and the scale has gone up. Either way, I have to deal with it.

Sabotaging Thought: The cookies will make me feel so much better.

New Response: The cookies won’t make me feel better. I’ll just feel guilty and stuffed after eating them. Not giving in is what will make me feel proud and great about myself.

After finding your top sabotaging thoughts and creating your new responses, write the new responses down (post it notes, index cards) and rehearse them over and over.

Like a phone number or name you hear once and forget immediately, your new responses need to be repeated over and over for weeks and months. It’s the only way to make ’em stick.

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The Tool That Will Change Your Life (Thought Modeling 101)

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Pull up a chair + grab a pen and paper – you’re about to be introduced to the world’s greatest mind ninja life altering awesome-ness.

The model is designed to help you change the thoughts that are causing you to suffer. This process isn’t about repeating inconceivable mantras (I am perfection) or escaping raw pain (a friend or family members death, losing a job). It’s about deliberately choosing thoughts that feels better and are believable to you. Occasionally we can make big leaps using the model (e.g. stuck to motivated), but many times we simply take a small steps in a more positive direction (e.g. devastated to disappointed).

This tool can be used to create an entirely new belief system and to replace outdated programming from your childhood and your past.

If you use this model, you will become aware of your thoughts. You will become more conscious. You will become more awakened. You will discover the cause behind your negative emotions. You will have a way to feel better.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Circumstances (things that happen in the world that we can’t control) trigger our…
Thoughts (sentences in our minds), cause…
Feelings (vibrations in our bodies caused by our thoughts), motivate our…
Actions (behaviors, what we do in the world) bring about…
Results  (the effect of our actions)

Negative Thinking Leads to Negative Results

After feeling a little stuck lately, I decided it was time for some self-coaching.

Current Model

Circumstance (the facts) – I have a body, a job, a life
Thought – Good enough
Feeling  – unmotivated, resignation
Action – Continue to do the same thing
Result – No growth in my life, same level of fitness, business is stagnant, slight dissatisfaction

New Model

Circumstance (the facts) – I have a body, a job, a life
Thought – Just a little more (love, effort, awareness, attention, pushing out of my comfort zone)
Feeling  – resolve, purpose, motivation
Action – step up workouts, look at ways to improve/grow business, more attention on nutrition
Result – Take life/work/relationships to the next level, stronger, more confident

There is never a time when you are not responsible for how you feel. You might be faced with a circumstance or a person who you believe is causing your feelings, but you are always the one who decides how to feel. It is not what happens to you, it is what you believe about what happens to you that causes your feelings.

Another example from one of my clients…

Current Model

Circumstance (fact) – my body in the mirror
Thought (sentence in your mind) – I hate my body
Feeling (one word emotions) – disgust, disconnection, shame
Action (what you do) – squeeze into clothes that are too tight because I refuse to buy a bigger size, mentally beat myself up, go and eat a bunch of cookies
Result (outcome) – continue to gain weight, feel uncomfortable in my clothes, emotional pain/suffering

New Model

Circumstance (fact) – my body in the mirror
Thought – This is my body
Feeling – awareness, neutral
Action – find clothes that fit and flatter my current body, keep working towards my goals
Result – clothes I feel good in, less emotional pain, wanting from a place that feels good (instead of wanting to escape the pain)

There are an unlimited number of examples. I can’t do anything right. My life is so stressful. I’ll always be fat. It’s not fair. She doesn’t respect me. 

This post is a brief overview. If you want to dive in a little deeper, I highly suggest reading Self-Coaching 101. Then practice – and practice some more. Reading about a tool is lovely, but in order to change you have to DO the work.

Observe your thoughts with compassion and look at your life through a lens of curiosity and fascination, not judgement. We cannot always control the circumstances of our lives, but we can always choose how we think and feel about them. Choose wisely.