Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Weight Loss Coaching

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Messing Up is Part of the Process

About 10 years ago, I enrolled in a Weight Loss Coaching Certification program. I was already certified as a Health Coach with ACE, but that program didn’t teach about the mindset of weight loss. The new program was ALL about mindset.

During my certification, I was asked to assess any overeating I did. What did I overeat? What were my sabotaging thoughts?

But, I DID NOT DO IT.

Why?

Because I was beating myself up for not being perfect instead. I was too busy swimming in shame + comparison + judgement.

  • How can a Health Coach possibly make mistakes?
  • I’m supposed to be the example.
  • Who would hire a coach that overate sometimes (or GASP, gained weight)?

I tried SO HARD to do it all perfectly so I wouldn’t have to feel the shame of overeating and the shame of trying to hide it. As you might suspect, that approach didn’t work very well.

Perfectionism is often a symptom of low self-worth. And our self-worth has nothing to do with what we weigh or what we’ve accomplished in life. Low self-worth comes from a story we’re telling and believing.

I believed my own bullshit story about not being enough for a LONG time. Much too long.

Not every woman who struggles with food is a perfectionist, but so many are. The best way I have found to rewrite the perfectionist script is to do the work. I ask my clients to show up no matter how sideways things go.

To post what they’re eating in Ate.

To assess how their day went.

To get on the scale.

I do the same and freely share this information with my clients. Especially when I make mistakes.

If my clients feel compelled to hide, I ask them to simply notice why. Without judgement. With curiosity. Just notice. You can do the same.

What are you thinking that is causing you to not want to post the cookies in your food journal?

What are you thinking that is keeping you from getting on the scale?

What gets uncovered are the bullshit lies we’re telling ourselves that are causing us to feel not good enough.

Once the thoughts are out of your head and on paper, read it back and ask, what could I say that might be more helpful?

A few suggestions…

  • I’m willing to believe that messing up is not a tragedy
  • I might be wrong about not having what it takes to change my behavior
  • I am becoming a person who believes in herself
  • I am someone who is willing to learn from my mistakes
  • I don’t have to believe everything I think about myself
  • I will figure this out as long as I keep moving forward
  • I can choose to keep going
  • I am a person who doesn’t give up on her weight loss goals

The #1 reason we quit on losing weight is not because we ate too much cake or gained 2 pounds. The #1 reason we quit is because we beat ourselves up when we make mistakes and that feels like crap.

Quitting on weight loss means we no longer have to endure the floggings. Quitting offers instant relief. Until — we start right back up with the mental floggings for failing again + being overweight. On to the next diet!

Let’s END THIS CYCLE. 

We WILL make mistakes when we’re losing weight. Messing up is PART OF THE PROCESS. The key to success is learning to process mistakes without judgement.

If you’re not practicing normalizing mistakes, you’re going to keep quitting on weight loss.

Mistakes are not keeping you from losing weight. Mistakes are TELLING you what you need to change to lose weight. When the low fuel indicator light comes on, you problem solve, right? You find a gas station + put gas in your tank + keep going. You don’t beat yourself up about it + ditch the car on the side of the road.

A mistake is simply an action or decision that produces a result you don’t want. It’s not a statement about your ability to lose weight.

Stop believing the pile of lies you’re currently telling yourself about why you can’t lose weight.

You can think (and believe) something new.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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I Gained Weight

I gained a few pounds this year.

And this was the BEST GIFT for so many reasons.

I lost my weight 20 years ago. About 50 pounds. And since then, I’ve kept within my healthy range. But I recently crept into a place where I just didn’t feel good in my body. 

The last few months have been a bit rough. My father in law died in December + my Dad died three weeks later + COVID. 

Note: This is not a plea for sympathy. Life is just hard sometimes. And when shit gets hard, my husband bakes bread like he is feeding an army. FOR REAL.

Over the past few months, I was eating too much fresh bread + drinking too many gin and tonics + generally snacking more frequently than usual. 

This is probably a good time to share a “rule” I adhere to around weight gain. 

I never blame other people or circumstances for gaining weight. There is only person who decides what and how much I eat – and that person is ME. 

So, I got to work. I faced the weight gain with curiosity + a “let’s figure this out” attitude. And that’s why it was a gift. Because it put me in YOUR shoes + helped me generate a bunch of new ideas for helping my clients lose weight.

For the entire month of May I started doing the things (or thinking I was doing the things). Cutting back here and there. Less alcohol. Less bread. Hiking in the morning AND evening. And the scale didn’t budge.  

Sometimes it takes a minute (or a month) to figure things out. Sometimes we need to go from gaining to maintaining first.

But in the moment, my brain began swirling with…

  • Guess it’s just going to be harder to lose weight at 45
  • Maybe you just need to settle in at 140
  • But I don’t understand WHY I’m not losing. I’m doing ALL THE THINGS!

I put an end to that BS thinking FAST. Because it was in no way going to help me solve this.

What I did instead was get curious + shift into problem solving mode.

Then…

For a few days in a row in June, I crushed it. I stuck to my plan. And the scale went up. Here’s what I know FOR SURE after a decade of coaching women on weight loss.

The scale doesn’t always reflect our actions. Because hormones + weather + hydration + physiology. We have to stay focused + be patient and then BOOM, the scale moves.

No matter what that scale said, I was proud of the way I showed up and wasn’t going to let the scale steal that from me. I wasn’t going to throw away all those good feelings because I didn’t lose half a frickin’ pound.

But what we normally do is tell ourselves… 

  • This isn’t working!
  • It’s not fair. 
  • I’m broken. 

Which inevitably leads to a pity party with pizza and donuts and screwing ourselves over. 

I follow the same advice I give to my clients. Lose the weight in a way that is sustainable + you ENJOY. Losing the weight and keeping it off doesn’t have to be hard. But that’s what we’ve been sold by the diet industry.

Eat 1200 calories (HARD!)

Cut out the carbs (SERIOUSLY?!)

Count every calorie (SUCKS!)

Trade in all the foods you love for foods that taste like crap (NOPE!)

And what makes it hardest of all is while we’re trying to follow some hideous diet plan, we’re usually BEATING OURSELVES UP the entire time.

  • I suck
  • I don’t deserve food that tastes good
  • I’m disgusting
  • Look at that belly
  • There is something wrong with me

I’ve come to the conclusion that being mean to ourselves is the #1 reason we don’t succeed at losing the weight + keeping it off. Followed close behind by believing stories that aren’t serving us like, “I don’t have the time,” or, “But I just love food too much,” or,” My family will SUFFER if I make myself a priority.”

Our brain is wired to look for problems + what is WRONG, and it takes a bit of practice to unwind that pattern.

There are two questions I ask myself every single morning as part of my “Plan + Assess” routine. I’ve started asking my clients to do the same.   

(1) What did I do well yesterday?

(2) What is one thought I want to deliberately think about myself today?

My answer to question #2 today – I am a weight loss badass!

When we feel better, we do better.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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You Probably Won’t “Conquer” Emotional Eating – and That’s Okay

Many of my clients tell me they want to eliminate emotional eating forever.

As someone who has struggled with emotional eating, I completely understand the desire to make this behavior go away forever. To never feel compelled to turn to food for soothing or stress relief or out of boredom again.

Some people get there, but most don’t – and that’s okay. You can make mountains of progress without conquering emotional eating altogether.

In my opinion, it makes more sense to work towards less frequent and less intense episodes of emotional overeating. Attempting to “end” emotional overeating once and for all sets us up for disappointment. Any time we overeat, we feel as though we’ve failed. And feeling like a failure is not motivating.

When we work on our emotional overeating from a place of compassion + “aim for a little better”, here’s what tends to happen:

* We build better ways of coping with stress in general. We start adding tools to the toolbox. Instead of JUST eating, we have many more options, even if we still keep eating in the toolbox as one choice.

* We start organizing our lives to remove the stressors we don’t need and can control (e.g. whether we write the holiday letter this year).

* We start realizing that we are less helpless, hopeless, and powerless than the story we told ourselves in the past.

* We cope less with food.

When we DO cope with food:

* We’re consciously aware of it and stay much more “checked in”.

* Eating episodes are less epic and less intense. We eat one chocolate bar instead of three + we’ll often be able to stop well before the point of fullness. We’ll often get to a “that’s enough; I got what I needed” place much more quickly.

* We’re able to recover from any eating episodes more quickly.

* We bring more gentleness, kindness, and compassion to ourselves in our difficult moments.

Rather than “I’m a weak sack of crap”, we think “Hey friend, you’re having a rough time right now, huh? What can we do to calm down and feel better? I’m here with you, you’re OK, we’ll get through this together.”

So rather than “all or nothing, conquer this forever”, shoot for “a little less, a little better, a little bit at a time”.

And maybe you WILL conquer emotional eating forever – but if you don’t, it’ll be way better than it was. 

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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Once I Lose Weight

Most of us think our weight is the main problem that needs to be solved.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

When our obsession with our weight is front and center, we’re unable to focus on any aspect of self-care that doesn’t involve shrinking our bodies.

I’ll be kinder to myself once I lose weight.

I’ll start walking (or go to a yoga class) once I lose weight.

I’ll buy quality clothes that fit well once I lose weight.

I’ll eat what truly feels good in my body once I lose weight.

I’ll book that vacation once I lose weight.

I’ll stop starving myself once I lose weight.

Essentially, we’re neglecting our basic needs and desires until we feel we “deserve” it by losing weight.

This is incredibly unhelpful.

What leads to a healthy body image and long-term healthy behaviors is not a lower weight, but an ability to practice self-care no matter what your weight is.

If you’re wrapped up in hate and shame around your body, you’re not very likely to want to truly take care of it. At least not long-term.

A far more helpful approach is to focus on feeling your best in the body you have now. It’s starting with the end point – practicing daily behaviors that you know make you feel better.

We cannot “control” our weight. But we can shift the focus to practicing healthier habits – a much more attainable goal.

Weight loss is simply a likely side effect of healthy behavior change and consistent self-care.

Starting from a place of kindness and compassion boosts your chances of creating results that stick.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.