Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Self Acceptance

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Scale Sanity

The skill of getting on the scale without being emotionally tossed around by the number is essential for long-term weight loss success.

Every year that I coach, this become clearer. 

You can make peace with the scale. The number that appears does not have to dictate how you feel for the rest of the day (or week). If the number isn’t what you hoped for, you can let the initial feelings of disappointment come – and then get your head straight. 

It’s a skill worth practicing.

I’ve been working on getting back to my goal weight (currently .2 pounds away) and I’ve been SUPER PROUD of the way I’ve been showing up. There was steady progress at the beginning of June, then for SEVENTEEN DAYS my weight went down a little, then up a little, then down a little, then stayed the same, then up a little. Here’s what I practiced telling myself (after the initial F-bombs). 

Tomorrow could be the day. There’s a lesson in here for you. Keep going. Keep looking for ways to level up just a little bit. 

Then one glorious Saturday morning, the scale went down 1.2 pounds. If at any time during those seventeen days, I said, “this is bullshit,” and ate my face off, I wouldn’t have experienced that victory. 

The #1 reason we want the scale to go down so badly is so we can feel good. And the only reason we feel good when the scale goes down is because we finally allow ourselves to think good thoughts about our self + our weight.

  • Yay, it’s working.
  • My effort is paying off.
  • I can do this!

Imagine handing over your power in the same way to another person or the weather. Imagine only allowing yourself to feel good/successful/proud if the sun is shining – or your kids are behaving. But that’s what we do with the scale. We get on the rollercoaster + strap ourselves in + let it take us for a wild ride. 

Tell me how to feel about myself today scale.

When we’re beating ourselves up or creating a bunch of drama around the number on the scale, we are NOT LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS. If the number keeps going up or has stalled out for a while, it’s probably time to troubleshoot. But we also need to recognize that no matter how “perfect” our eating is, the scale will not go steadily down day after day. 

One strategy I recommend is zooming out and looking at the scale trend instead of fixating on the daily ups + downs. Or better yet, take the average of your weigh-ins for the week and track that number.  

Avoiding the scale is a slippery slope. The primary reason we avoid the scale is because we know we’re going to beat ourselves up. Not getting on the scale means circumventing the beatdown. But what if there was NO BEATDOWN. No matter how much weight you gained. 

This is an option.

Yes, the initial autopilot thoughts might fly, but you do not have to believe them or get all tangled up in them like a big ass ball of self-judgment tumbleweed.

There is no pant size or weight that will magically eliminate all the critical thoughts you have about yourself. 

They will always be there. So why not learn to peacefully coexist with them?

The scale is the best place I know to practice this skill. Let the autopilot thoughts come in + work on letting them pass on by. Practice reminding yourself that you don’t have to believe everything you think. Practice trying on new thoughts when you don’t love the number on the scale…

  • I like the person I’m becoming no matter what the scale says today
  • There is zero upside to beating myself up right now
  • Let’s go out there and crush this day

If you only weigh yourself once a week (or when you think you’ll like the number), consider getting on the scale more frequently. I recommend at least 3 times/week. You’ll get a more accurate snapshot of your weight trend AND you’ll get to practice not letting the scale toss you around.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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Messing Up is Part of the Process

About 10 years ago, I enrolled in a Weight Loss Coaching Certification program. I was already certified as a Health Coach with ACE, but that program didn’t teach about the mindset of weight loss. The new program was ALL about mindset.

During my certification, I was asked to assess any overeating I did. What did I overeat? What were my sabotaging thoughts?

But, I DID NOT DO IT.

Why?

Because I was beating myself up for not being perfect instead. I was too busy swimming in shame + comparison + judgement.

  • How can a Health Coach possibly make mistakes?
  • I’m supposed to be the example.
  • Who would hire a coach that overate sometimes (or GASP, gained weight)?

I tried SO HARD to do it all perfectly so I wouldn’t have to feel the shame of overeating and the shame of trying to hide it. As you might suspect, that approach didn’t work very well.

Perfectionism is often a symptom of low self-worth. And our self-worth has nothing to do with what we weigh or what we’ve accomplished in life. Low self-worth comes from a story we’re telling and believing.

I believed my own bullshit story about not being enough for a LONG time. Much too long.

Not every woman who struggles with food is a perfectionist, but so many are. The best way I have found to rewrite the perfectionist script is to do the work. I ask my clients to show up no matter how sideways things go.

To post what they’re eating in Ate.

To assess how their day went.

To get on the scale.

I do the same and freely share this information with my clients. Especially when I make mistakes.

If my clients feel compelled to hide, I ask them to simply notice why. Without judgement. With curiosity. Just notice. You can do the same.

What are you thinking that is causing you to not want to post the cookies in your food journal?

What are you thinking that is keeping you from getting on the scale?

What gets uncovered are the bullshit lies we’re telling ourselves that are causing us to feel not good enough.

Once the thoughts are out of your head and on paper, read it back and ask, what could I say that might be more helpful?

A few suggestions…

  • I’m willing to believe that messing up is not a tragedy
  • I might be wrong about not having what it takes to change my behavior
  • I am becoming a person who believes in herself
  • I am someone who is willing to learn from my mistakes
  • I don’t have to believe everything I think about myself
  • I will figure this out as long as I keep moving forward
  • I can choose to keep going
  • I am a person who doesn’t give up on her weight loss goals

The #1 reason we quit on losing weight is not because we ate too much cake or gained 2 pounds. The #1 reason we quit is because we beat ourselves up when we make mistakes and that feels like crap.

Quitting on weight loss means we no longer have to endure the floggings. Quitting offers instant relief. Until — we start right back up with the mental floggings for failing again + being overweight. On to the next diet!

Let’s END THIS CYCLE. 

We WILL make mistakes when we’re losing weight. Messing up is PART OF THE PROCESS. The key to success is learning to process mistakes without judgement.

If you’re not practicing normalizing mistakes, you’re going to keep quitting on weight loss.

Mistakes are not keeping you from losing weight. Mistakes are TELLING you what you need to change to lose weight. When the low fuel indicator light comes on, you problem solve, right? You find a gas station + put gas in your tank + keep going. You don’t beat yourself up about it + ditch the car on the side of the road.

A mistake is simply an action or decision that produces a result you don’t want. It’s not a statement about your ability to lose weight.

Stop believing the pile of lies you’re currently telling yourself about why you can’t lose weight.

You can think (and believe) something new.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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Giving Ourselves Grace

Hard times can break us – or they can help us grow into deeper + more compassionate human beings. And (I think) the difference between the two has to do with giving ourselves grace.

It’s been a difficult winter.

My husband lost his father suddenly a few months ago and my own Dad (who was very ill) passed three weeks later.

Navigating two terribly sad events in a row reaffirmed that I am a strong woman. Stronger and more resilient than I gave myself credit for.

But I am no superwoman.

About a week after losing my Dad, I sat down on the trail during a hike because I was overcome with emotion.

Some people might consider that a moment of weakness, but I considered it a victory.

A few years ago, I would have pushed through. Told myself to suck it up. To stop crying. To keep walking. I would have been embarrassed if anyone saw me there in the dirt.

But I let myself be messy. I let myself fully feel my truth without judgement. I gave myself grace in that moment.

Judging our emotions as wrong or bad or inappropriate or too much adds a tremendous amount of unnecessary suffering.

Looking back, there were many instances of giving myself grace this winter. Lowering expectations. Focusing on essential habits only (drink water, eat plenty of fruit + veggies, get enough sleep). Skipping the gym and walking outside instead. Hosting book club later in the year. Selling the hockey tickets.

Grace creates space to recover and heal. Grace is like a loving (and effective) parent. Grace is not the same as permissiveness.

No cake for dinner or woe is me or all day Netflix binges. Which would have been quite easy to justify.

The difference? Permissiveness feels good in the moment (like that pint of ice cream), but terrible long-term. Giving ourselves grace feels good both now and later.

I’m still figuring out this thing called life. I don’t have all the answers and never will. But one thing I know for sure is — learning to give myself grace has been a tremendous gift.

“I have met my self and I am going to care for her fiercely.”

― Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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You Probably Won’t “Conquer” Emotional Eating – and That’s Okay

Many of my clients tell me they want to eliminate emotional eating forever.

As someone who has struggled with emotional eating, I completely understand the desire to make this behavior go away forever. To never feel compelled to turn to food for soothing or stress relief or out of boredom again.

Some people get there, but most don’t – and that’s okay. You can make mountains of progress without conquering emotional eating altogether.

In my opinion, it makes more sense to work towards less frequent and less intense episodes of emotional overeating. Attempting to “end” emotional overeating once and for all sets us up for disappointment. Any time we overeat, we feel as though we’ve failed. And feeling like a failure is not motivating.

When we work on our emotional overeating from a place of compassion + “aim for a little better”, here’s what tends to happen:

* We build better ways of coping with stress in general. We start adding tools to the toolbox. Instead of JUST eating, we have many more options, even if we still keep eating in the toolbox as one choice.

* We start organizing our lives to remove the stressors we don’t need and can control (e.g. whether we write the holiday letter this year).

* We start realizing that we are less helpless, hopeless, and powerless than the story we told ourselves in the past.

* We cope less with food.

When we DO cope with food:

* We’re consciously aware of it and stay much more “checked in”.

* Eating episodes are less epic and less intense. We eat one chocolate bar instead of three + we’ll often be able to stop well before the point of fullness. We’ll often get to a “that’s enough; I got what I needed” place much more quickly.

* We’re able to recover from any eating episodes more quickly.

* We bring more gentleness, kindness, and compassion to ourselves in our difficult moments.

Rather than “I’m a weak sack of crap”, we think “Hey friend, you’re having a rough time right now, huh? What can we do to calm down and feel better? I’m here with you, you’re OK, we’ll get through this together.”

So rather than “all or nothing, conquer this forever”, shoot for “a little less, a little better, a little bit at a time”.

And maybe you WILL conquer emotional eating forever – but if you don’t, it’ll be way better than it was. 

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.