Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Self Acceptance

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Once I Lose Weight

Most of us think our weight is the main problem that needs to be solved.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

When our obsession with our weight is front and center, we’re unable to focus on any aspect of self-care that doesn’t involve shrinking our bodies.

I’ll be kinder to myself once I lose weight.

I’ll start walking (or go to a yoga class) once I lose weight.

I’ll buy quality clothes that fit well once I lose weight.

I’ll eat what truly feels good in my body once I lose weight.

I’ll book that vacation once I lose weight.

I’ll stop starving myself once I lose weight.

Essentially, we’re neglecting our basic needs and desires until we feel we “deserve” it by losing weight.

This is incredibly unhelpful.

What leads to a healthy body image and long-term healthy behaviors is not a lower weight, but an ability to practice self-care no matter what your weight is.

If you’re wrapped up in hate and shame around your body, you’re not very likely to want to truly take care of it. At least not long-term.

A far more helpful approach is to focus on feeling your best in the body you have now. It’s starting with the end point – practicing daily behaviors that you know make you feel better.

We cannot “control” our weight. But we can shift the focus to practicing healthier habits – a much more attainable goal.

Weight loss is simply a likely side effect of healthy behavior change and consistent self-care.

Starting from a place of kindness and compassion boosts your chances of creating results that stick.

💙 Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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The Unfillable Hole

In the minutes before yoga class a few weeks ago, I saw my friend Shana walk into the studio. Happy to see her, I jumped up and immediately heard a POP in my leg.

Not good.

But because I can be stubborn and willful, I decided to stay.

It’s not that bad.

You can make it through.

Come on Robyn, you’re tough. You got this.

As soon as I half attempted Warrior 2 pose, it became VERY clear I needed to go.

Tail tucked between my legs, I grabbed my mat and hobbled out of class.

Tim, my Godsend of a physical therapist, diagnosed the injury the next day (a strained gastrocnemius muscle) and set me up with a few weeks’ worth of PT appointments.

It wasn’t as bad as I feared, but it would take some time to heal.

With extra time on my hands, I did what I always do – analyze and overthink and ultimately, look for the lesson.

The lesson was a familiar one. I’d been pushing myself too hard. My body sent warning signals in the days before the POP, but I ignored them.

Why?

Because like so many women out there, I struggle with feeling like I’m enough.

You should be stronger.

You should be thinner.

You should be working harder. Volunteering. Socializing more.

A few days ago, I read this post by Seth Godin.

How big is your unfillable hole?

It doesn’t really matter, does it?

All of your bad habits (and some of your good ones) exist to fill that hole, or to protect it from being seen.

And as long as our mission is to fill the hole, and as long as the hole remains unfillable (and after all this time, if it’s not filled yet, good luck with that) it doesn’t really matter how small or trivial or unmentionable the hole is.

It still drives us.

The first step to living with it is to acknowledge it.

You can’t make it go away.

But you can learn to dance with it.

No amount of meters rowed on a rower or FitBit steps taken or pounds lost or success will lead to this elusive destination known as enough (or perfect). Being “enough” is my unfillable hole. For you it might be feeling lovable or safe or whole or seen. The unfillable hole might be a trauma you experienced or the loss of a loved one. Or – you may not have an unfillable hole at all.

What I love most about Seth Godin’s post is the line, “you can’t make it go away.” It’s the trying to make it go away that usually gets us in trouble, yeah? All the chocolate and wine and Prozac and marathons and Netflix binges in the world can’t fill the void.

We can’t make it go away, but we can acknowledge and accept it. We can increase our ability to practice self-compassion. We can build up our self-esteem. We can learn from missteps, forgive ourselves for being human and move forward with a bit more wisdom than before.

I like to say I’m a perfectionist in recovery. “Enough” will always be unattainable. I will suffer relapses (sometimes daily). And that’s okay.

The unfillable hole won’t go away, but my dance with it can become more graceful.

💙 Robyn

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

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Beauty Sick Book Review

I sometimes struggle with reconciling my advocacy of body acceptance with the fact that I help women lose weight.

Can you respect your body and want to change it?

My answer is a resounding yes. More than ever.

If I didn’t believe this to be true, there is no way I could do this work with integrity.

Unwinding beauty sickness and appreciating what our bodies do FOR us is an essential component of well-being.

In her book, Beauty Sickness, Renee Englen, a professor at Northwestern University and head of the Body and Media Lab, very clearly and in a very compelling manner exposes the cultural epidemic of beauty sickness, the obsession with appearance, and how it affects or has affected most women in America.

Using scientific studies and interviews with women, young and old and from all different walks of life, she shows the disturbing scope of this problem. The stories of these women are heartbreaking and oh-so-familiar and I could see myself (particularly my younger self) in so many of them.

But Renee doesn’t just leave you with the realization of all the damage beauty sickness has wrought, she very gracefully lays out some extremely helpful and practical solutions to the problem.

1. Function over form. When we really stop to analyze how much we focus on appearance, it’s pretty astounding. Instead of focusing on what we (or others) look like, zero in on what our amazing bodies CAN DO (e.g. hug our loved ones, see a beautiful vista, sing a song, hike a trail, smell lilacs).

The way to take better care of your body is not by shaming it, it’s by being kind and practicing gratitude for all the things it does for you.

2. Love not hate. Please don’t listen to those who claim you have to hate how your body looks in order to motivate healthy behaviors. These claims ARE NOT supported by any type of scientific data.

3. Ask different questions. How do you want the world to be different when you leave it? What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be remembered for? Probably not great abs. Let the answers to these questions have a greater influence on how you spend your time + money + energy.

4. Media. Don’t consume media messages about the ideal body. Whether its TV shows, your Instagram feed, magazine covers, books – if it pushes the unobtainable, photoshopped ideal, don’t look at it and don’t think about it.

I recently revamped my Instagram feed to include ONLY people + businesses that promote acceptance and inclusivity. Posts that lift me up and inspire. Life changing.

Instead of fighting the poison after it’s already entered your system, change what you’re consuming.

5. Body Talk. Try not to talk negatively about your body, especially in front of children. Whenever we complain about our body we’re encouraging those around us to do the same.

“When we degrade our own bodies, we send the message to others that it’s acceptable for them to do so as well.”

6. Praise Character. When praising others, try not to focus on appearance.

This one is HARD.

We’re conditioned to praise appearance. What’s FASCINATING is the research shows that even a “positive” comment makes the recipient become more body conscious.

“That shirt looks so good on you,” reminds the wearer that her appearance is being critiqued.

Instead of praising appearance, praise character, what they’ve accomplished, who they are at the heart.

“Anything that draws a woman’s attention to the appearance of her own body or makes her feel as though her body is being evaluated can result in body shame.”

I will say, I found this book difficult to read on occasion. It challenges. It triggers. It asks you to reexamine deep-rooted beliefs and behaviors.

But – if you’re ready, it can also be a powerful catalyst for healing.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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5 Steps for Unwinding Body Shame

It’s entirely NORMAL to experience negative body image days. It’s NORMAL to not love what you see in the mirror or in a photo sometimes.

Welcome to the club my friend.

But you don’t have to stay stuck in that place. You don’t have to layer feelings of guilt and shame about feeling bad on top of ALREADY feeling crummy.

Today I’m sharing a process to help you unwind a negative body image spiral – so you can get on with living your amazing life.

Because the world needs you.

This process is based on the work of many brilliant minds in this area.

If you practice consistently, it will become easier to flow through and come out the other side more quickly.

Which reminds me – you WILL feel bad again. It’s okay. Attaining some kind of permanent body love nirvana is like thinking life can be sunshine and rainbow unicorns 24/7.

It’s not realistic. Not in a culture that puts SO MUCH emphasis on how we look.

But fewer episodes of negative body thoughts and moving through them with grace and compassion are within reach.

So how do you do it?

#1 Practice Grace

When your mind is spiraling – and the guilt and shame and sadness and disappointment are welling up – practice being kind and compassionate with yourself.

It’s okay.

It’s normal.

Nothing has gone wrong.

Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad about your body. It’s not realistic to love your body all the time.

Piling even MORE difficult emotions on top of what you’re already feeling simply fuels the fire – and keeps us stuck and spinning and disempowered.

#2 Get Centered

Remember: this is not an emergency. Even though it FEELS like an emergency. I get it. I’ve been there. I was JUST there. Today. In yoga class.

Freaking out leads to one place  –  a desire to FIX IT NOW! And fixing it now usually looks like ANOTHER restrictive diet. Or not eating for the rest of the day. Or getting on the treadmill for 2 hours. Or googling lose 20 pounds in 7 days.

Please don’t.

Truth bomb: the ONLY thing that changed is your mindset. Before the triggering event, you were OKAY. You are still OKAY.

  • You saw a picture from your family vacation
  • You looked in the mirror
  • Someone tagged you on Facebook
  • A friend lost 20 pounds
  • You put on a pair of jeans
  • You compared yourself to someone else

The triggering event caused a mindset shift – and we can manage our mindset right here, right now.

#3 Understand

When we understand how we got to this place. When we recognize what’s making us feel like our body is a problem (which it is NOT) – it becomes easier to work through it.

Begin by naming the emotion(s) you’re feeling.

I feel…

  • Unattractive
  • Not good enough
  • Unworthy
  • Ugly
  • Embarrassed
  • Sad
  • Angry

Naming our emotions helps us process them.

As children, we’re often told to calm down, to suck it up, to be strong, to get over it. As a result, when we experience difficult emotions we tend to resist them. We push them down. We feel shame for feeling bad.

Your emotions have value. All of them. And they can teach you powerful lessons.

Keep digging.

Why do you feel this way? What led to this? Is there a pattern? Does this frequently occur when you’re with a certain person – or in a certain situation?

If we can identify a pattern, we can prepare ourselves ahead of time.

Hmm, when I’m around my sisters, I often have a negative body image flare up.

Good to know.

Now – ask yourself what you really need in this moment.

What you don’t need is an hour devoted to researching the latest fad diets or looking at pictures of yourself when you weighed less.

We’ve all done this, right? I know I have. And it feels TERRIBLE.

What do you really need?

  • A hug?
  • To go for a walk and clear your head?
  • A funny podcast?
  • Reassuring words from a trusted friend or partner?
  • To get your hands dirty in your garden?

Give yourself what you REALLY need.

#4 Unwind Your Mind

When we’re in a negative space, shifting to feeling positive about our bodies is challenging. Consider aiming for neutrality (or simply feeling a little better).

Find a personal mantra that resonates with you. One that feels true.

What do you need to hear? What would a wise + supportive friend say to you?

Some ideas…

I don’t need to fix this.

This is not an emergency.

My body is an instrument, not an ornament.

I’m not supposed to look like anyone else.

#5 Gratitude

Try practicing a little gratitude for what your body can DO.

Function over form.

Thank you for the gift of being able to hike (or do yoga or pet the dog or watch the sunset or laugh).

Thank you for the ability to hug the people I love.

Thank you for the ability to smell this lavender candle (or the rain in the air or the blissful scent of petunias).

Thank you for allowing me to savor this delicious latte.

Thank you for the ability to explore new and exciting places.

Each time you practice these steps it will become easier to pull yourself out of the spiral. It will become easier to recognize when it’s happening. It will become easier to be kind + compassionate with yourself.

Your body is more than an ornament to decorate this world.

Your body is an instrument.

An instrument of power and badassery and magic.

And the world needs your magic.

More than ever.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.