Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Self Acceptance

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Practicing Self-Compassion

self-compassion

“Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.” ~Mark Victor Hansen

Everyone struggles with self-criticism. EVERYONE. Isn’t that a relief?

  • I’m a failure.
  • I’m a bad person.
  • I’m so messed up.
  • I’m a bitch.
  • I can’t get it together.
  • I’m too sensitive.
  • I screwed up – BIG time.
  • Something is wrong with me.

The human experience is difficult for everyone. Life isn’t meant to be goldendoodle puppies and fairy dust 100% of the time. But when things go wrong in our own lives, we tend to slip into isolation. We tend to falsely believe we’re alone in our suffering.

Self-criticism feels crappy – but there is nothing more painful than feeling cut off and isolated.

  • Everyone else is living a normal happy life.
  • Everyone else has it figured out but me.
  • Other people don’t beat themselves up like I do.

Instead of trying to STOP self-criticism altogether (which is impossible), begin to practice self-compassionate thoughts…

  • The human experience is hard for everyone.
  • This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life.
  • The human experience is imperfect.
  • This will get easier in time.
  • It’s not just me – everyone struggles.
  • Everyone says unkind things to themselves from time to time.
  • Life goes wrong sometimes.
  • I love you anyway.

One of the biggest obstacles to practicing self-compassion is the belief that beating ourselves up is motivating. The research points to the opposite.

Self-criticism almost always leads to feeling discouraged – and discouragement is NOT a motivating state of being.

Self-compassion on the other hand, is linked to increased well-being. Rather than encouraging self-indulgence, research supports the idea that self-compassion enhances motivation.

In other words, self-compassion will NOT lead to sitting on the couch all day consuming pint after pint of Rocky Road ice cream.

If beating yourself up isn’t working for you (and I can pretty much guarantee it’s not), why not give self-compassion a whirl?

XO ~Robyn

Robyn Spurr is a Once Obese Chick, Eating Disorder Survivor, Certified Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss. 

She helps women learn to manage their emotions without food and reach their healthy, natural weight without all the diet craziness.

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Why Can’t I Say No?

no

“A NO uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a YES merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Even though I’ve lived in Colorado since 1998, I’m still a Jersey Girl at heart. So I’m gonna give it to you straight.

The reason you keep saying yes, when you really want to say no is because you want other people to like and approve of you.

And the reason you want their approval is because you’re not practicing approval of yourself.

No matter how much outside approval you get, you’ll never be satisfied. I promise.

Only you can make you happy.

You can decide, right now – to stop waiting for other people to give you the love and affection you should be giving to yourself.

Try this. Write down five things you like about yourself. Don’t stop until you have at least five.

Good.

The next time you catch yourself being a bully – look at your “things I like about me” list. Continue to add to it over time.

What you choose to tell yourself is up to you. Practice thoughts that produce the feelings you desire. In other words…

​Think deliberately.

Truth is, some people aren’t going to like you, no matter what you do – that’s a fact – and it’s okay. Not everyone likes strawberry ice cream. But we don’t blame strawberry ice cream, right? There’s nothing WRONG with strawberry ice cream. It’s just not everyone’s favorite flavor.

So what – some people like chocolate chip and you’re strawberry. That doesn’t mean you try to become chocolate chip just to please them. Why not commit to being the most amazing strawberry ice cream you can be?

Whether someone likes you or not has nothing to do with you. It’s out of your control. 

Imagine if you decided – this very minute – to show up in the world as your authentic self. As a person who says no when they really want to say no. You would attract people who like you for you – not the people pleasing version of you.

If you continue to do stuff just to get approval from others, you’re going to continue to do a whole bunch of stuff you don’t really want to do. Which leads to resentment + anger.

: Bake 48 cupcakes for the PTA fundraiser
: Eat 3 different desserts to please Aunt Edith
: Drive your neighbor to the airport at 4:45 am
: Join ANOTHER committee

Saying no when you really want to say no is an act of self-love.

And you are worthy of your own love and affection.

Need help saying no (with grace and kindness)? Check out this post by the fabulous Alex Franzen – “5 Steps to Scripting a Perfect No.”

XO ~Robyn

If you’re ready to say YES to a healthier + happier you, then let’s chat. I’ll be taking on a few new private weight loss coaching clients in January.

Learn more by signing up for a Discovery Session. Discovery Sessions are FREE – no strings. If you’ve been on the fence – now’s the time Chickadee!

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Showing Up for Yourself

showing up

You were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it.

The only thing keeping you from living the life you desire is self-doubt.

Self-doubt is a dream killer.

The way you talk to yourself is everything. Your brain is like a big muscle. The more time you spend training it, the stronger it gets.

Tell it what you want it to think.

Notice the self talk that isn’t serving you and replace it with thoughts you like. Practice the new thoughts – over and over and over. Until they crowd out the hate and the doubt.

You always have a choice. Why not choose love and acceptance and kindness? You can start today.

But first – ask yourself if you want to change – for you. You have to want health and happiness so much, that you’re willing to face the deepest places within yourself.

Change requires awareness and resolve. You will fall down, you will make mistakes and you will struggle.

It’s okay.

What matters most is that you don’t give up.

What matters most is that you keep showing up.

XO ~Robyn

Robyn Spurr is a Certified Health Coach, Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss. She helps women reach their healthy, natural weight and stay there without all the diet craziness.

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Wanting vs Choosing (why it matters)

wantchoose

want

[wont, wawnt]

verb (used with object)

  • to feel a need or a desire for; wish for

choose

[chooz]

verb

  • decide on a course of action

It was downright delightful here in Denver over the weekend – which meant I spent as much time as possible soaking up the late October sunshine – and as little time as possible on housework and errands. The laundry room can wait.

The weather provided a perfect reason to not only set aside my to-do list, but to FINALLY finish the brilliant book, How Children Succeed by Paul Tough (highly recommend).

After reading the last word, I went back to a page I had dog-eared about what it takes to become a chess champion. Stay with me here – there’s a point.

“When it comes to ambition, it is crucial to distinguish between ‘wanting’ something and ‘choosing’ it. Decide that you want to become a world champion, and you will inevitably fail to put in the necessary hard work. You will not only not become world champion but also have the unpleasant experience of falling short of a desired goal, with all the attendant disappointment and regret.

If, however, you choose to become world champion, then you will reveal your choice through your behavior and your determination. Every action will say, ‘This is who I am.’”

Take a moment to ask yourself…

Do I want to lose weight – or am I choosing to lose weight?

Do I want to get fit – or am I choosing to get fit?

Do I want to live a meaningful life – or am I choosing to live a meaningful life?

Want or choose? Choose wisely.

XO ~Robyn

Robyn Spurr is a Certified Health Coach, Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss. She helps women reach their healthy, natural weight and stay there without all the diet craziness.