Self Care

Imagine it’s your first day of Kindergarten. You’re nervous and excited and curious and bouncing with energy.

Throughout the day, your teacher cheers you on and praises what you do well…

• What a beautiful picture.
• Thank you for putting the crayons away.
• What excellent manners you have.

You’re beaming.

On the second day of school, you enthusiastically race through the doors.

Now imagine, if on that first day, your teacher cruelly pointed out everything you did WRONG…

• You’re not very good at coloring are you? That’s terrible.
• Why can’t you spell your name? What’s wrong with you? Are you stupid?
• You’re not as pretty as the other girls in this class.

It’s an extreme (and improbable) example, but imagine how you would feel at the end of the day.

Would you be excited to learn and grow and improve and return on the second day? Of course not.

Yet most of us speak to ourselves like the cruel teacher (day in and day out) and wonder why we feel stuck and unmotivated.

I’ve been studying the work of B.J. Fogg recently – a Behavior Scientist and Director of the Stanford Behavior Design Lab.

The guy knows what he’s talking about when it comes to behavior change.

Here’s what he has to say (in a nutshell)…

Emotions help us engrave + deepen our behaviors. If you want a behavior to stick, celebrate it as you’re doing it – and immediately after.

It’s VERY important to celebrate your little wins, no matter how small they are.

For most of us, it’s easy to criticize ourselves and difficult to praise ourselves.

But in order for our brains to learn new behaviors, we NEED praise + celebration + recognition + positive feedback. WE NEED TO FEEL GOOD.

Always look for ways you can celebrate your new behaviors IMMEDIATELY.

Even if it’s…

Hey, I didn’t screw it up TOO badly.

Celebration + compassion + congratulations on every small victory, no matter how tiny, works WAY better than criticism!

Just ask ANY teacher.

And if you don’t believe me, try an experiment…

High-five yourself joyfully and lovingly for a few days for every miniscule achievement. Even silly stuff like, “I washed my face today,” and notice how you feel compared to when you criticize the crap out of yourself for every “failure” or “mistake”.

Be a KIND teacher to yourself – and see what happens.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

Last Thursday my husband and I made the impossibly difficult decision to put our sweet Hope down after she experienced what we’re pretty sure was a stroke.

She was sixteen and half years old and lived a good long life with humans that loved and spoiled her.

One of the skills I teach my clients is how to make decisions that are aligned with their goals and values in the face of difficult emotions.

It was my turn to walk the talk.

The day after we put Hope down, I went out for a walk (just like I do every day). When I returned, my husband said he was surprised I went. So I shared a tool called The Heavy Backpack with him.

We can think of our difficult emotions like a heavy backpack. Now that backpack might be weighing you down and inconvenient and uncomfortable, but you can still go about your day and do things that move you closer to becoming who you want to be.

You can still take actions that are aligned with your values.

You can go for a walk. You can nurture relationships. You can help your clients. You can eat nutritious food. You can hug and love and laugh.

All while carrying the load.

Or – you can carry the backpack and spend your time thinking about how much you hate the backpack. What a burden it is. How uncomfortable you are. How you wish you could just set it down or make it go away.

You can distract yourself from the heavy load with wine or cake or pizza or Netflix.

You can get angry – or succumb to despair.

You can avoid and resist – or you can ALLOW.

When we act in a way that isn’t aligned with our values, we simply add more layers of difficult feelings to the mix (anger, frustration, regret, guilt).

Taking actions that make us feel good + proud helps to lighten the load on our backs (and in our hearts).

After sharing this with my husband, he immediately said, I think I’ll play hockey today.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about one-on-one Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.