Putting a voice to your soul helps you let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. ~Shannon Alder
***
When I was a little girl, I was shy. Not your typical, run of the mill shy. I’m talking shy with a capital S-H-Y! The mere possibility of having to speak to a stranger sent me into a state of panic.
There was this little Italian Delicatessen called Natoli’s a few blocks from my house in Secaucus. It was one of hundreds, maybe thousands, that dot the streets of Northern New Jersey.
My Dad and I would occasionally walk to Natoli’s to pick up our weekly Friday night pizza pie. The owner of Natoli’s was a big jovial guy named Steve – and Steve scared the shit out of me!
Wait, what? How does jovial equal scary?
Steve would always give kids free candy. And that meant saying thank you. I didn’t want to say thank you. No way!
Let me explain…
I wasn’t being purposefully rude. I most certainly recognized the kind gesture. It’s just that speaking words, out-loud, to someone I didn’t know, was downright terrifying for me.
So instead of going into a store where I was guaranteed a free sugar rush, I would wait on the steps outside. Just to avoid speaking.
As I got older, my social awkwardness prompted lots of folks to label me as a bitch. I wasn’t a bitch. I was just an introverted and shy girl with low self esteem and tons of anxiety.
A few years back, I noticed that I would think nice thoughts about people, but never say them out loud.
- “I love her hair”
- “That scarf is fabulous”
- “Her eyes are stunning”
I’d really want to say something – anything, but couldn’t muster up the courage to get the words out. Maybe some of you can relate.
One day, while at the library, a woman stopped me and told me that I looked radiant. Yes, she actually used the word radiant. I was shocked, in a good way of course – and it felt AMAZING!
A compliment from a complete stranger is powerful. Much more powerful than one from Uncle Joe or your best friend. It takes you by surprise. That moment changed me.
Since that day in the library, I’ve given hundreds of compliments – always authentic. They’re simply the words in my head, spoken out loud. That shy little girl is a distant memory. She’s blossomed into a confident women thanks to the support of friends, family and a handful of amazing therapists and coaches. Thank God for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).
So, next time you think a nice thought about a stranger, tell them. Watch their face light up and notice how sparkly and amazing you feel.
Truth is, it’s even better to give than to receive. And not all strangers are scary. Okay some, but not all.
So go and use your words Chickadees. Spread the love. Be a force of good on this planet. Because we can always use more love and kindness.
And that bitch you know – maybe you don’t know the whole story.