My husband Brett contributes more to our household expenses than I do.
Like way more.
He never complains or insinuates that I ought to make more money.
Ever.
Despite this fact, I elected to feel bad anyway.
“I should contribute more.”
“I don’t make enough money.”
“I’m not enough.”
That last one – ouch!
My negative thoughts around this circumstance were not only making me miserable, they were contributing to my ever growing debt.
- Circumstance (fact) – I earn money for my work
- Thought – I don’t make enough money
- Feeling(s)– less than, shame, guilt
- Action – buy stuff to distract from the negative feelings, consider getting a “regular paycheck” job (even thought I LOVE my business), focus attention on what I don’t have
- Result – debt, contribute even less, feel “less than”, carry around the burden of debt
(To learn more about creating thought models, click here)
I paid off my credit card yesterday – after several years of carrying a balance in the thousands. It only took a few months.
I didn’t make more money than usual or win the lottery.
I changed my mind.
- Circumstance (fact) – I earn money for my work
- Thought – I love my work and my life
- Feeling(s) – satisfied, grateful, fulfilled
- Action – spend within my means, buy only what’s necessary, pay attention to what I do have, practice gratitude
- Result – debt free, in love with my life and business, a better coach/trainer/wife
Being in debt felt heavy and burdensome – like carrying around a 40-pound dumbbell all day, every day. Although I hated how the debt made me feel, I continued to create more of it because I believed that I didn’t have enough. I was trapped in my very own negative spin cycle.
I see this with my Weight Loss Coaching clients all the time.
- Circumstance (fact) – I have a body
- Thought – I hate the way my body looks
- Feeling(s) – disgusted, embarrassed, angry
- Action – eat to distract from the negative feelings
- Result – gain more weight, hate self and body even more
Self-hate is not an effective motivator.
My husband Brett and I were driving home from New Mexico on Sunday when it occurred to me that I could “contribute” in ways that have nothing to do with money.
I could choose to be someone who is a blast to live with each and every day – a joyful, supportive and grateful partner.
Choosing a positive attitude doesn’t cost a thing.
His response.
That’s the best gift you could give me. All I really want is for you to be happy.
I’m married to one heck of a man.
Robyn Spurr is a Certified Health Coach, Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss. She helps women reach their healthy, natural weight and stay there without all the diet craziness.
For more information on Weight Loss Coaching, click here.