“Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior.” ~Mark Victor Hansen
Everyone struggles with self-criticism. EVERYONE. Isn’t that a relief?
- I’m a failure.
- I’m a bad person.
- I’m so messed up.
- I’m a bitch.
- I can’t get it together.
- I’m too sensitive.
- I screwed up – BIG time.
- Something is wrong with me.
The human experience is difficult for everyone. Life isn’t meant to be goldendoodle puppies and fairy dust 100% of the time. But when things go wrong in our own lives, we tend to slip into isolation. We tend to falsely believe we’re alone in our suffering.
Self-criticism feels crappy – but there is nothing more painful than feeling cut off and isolated.
- Everyone else is living a normal happy life.
- Everyone else has it figured out but me.
- Other people don’t beat themselves up like I do.
Instead of trying to STOP self-criticism altogether (which is impossible), begin to practice self-compassionate thoughts…
- The human experience is hard for everyone.
- This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life.
- The human experience is imperfect.
- This will get easier in time.
- It’s not just me – everyone struggles.
- Everyone says unkind things to themselves from time to time.
- Life goes wrong sometimes.
- I love you anyway.
One of the biggest obstacles to practicing self-compassion is the belief that beating ourselves up is motivating. The research points to the opposite.
Self-criticism almost always leads to feeling discouraged – and discouragement is NOT a motivating state of being.
Self-compassion on the other hand, is linked to increased well-being. Rather than encouraging self-indulgence, research supports the idea that self-compassion enhances motivation.
In other words, self-compassion will NOT lead to sitting on the couch all day consuming pint after pint of Rocky Road ice cream.
If beating yourself up isn’t working for you (and I can pretty much guarantee it’s not), why not give self-compassion a whirl?
XO ~Robyn
Robyn Spurr is a Once Obese Chick, Eating Disorder Survivor, Certified Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss.
She helps women learn to manage their emotions without food and reach their healthy, natural weight without all the diet craziness.