From childhood until just a few years ago, I used food to check out of myself. Overeating, binge eating, and purging helped me escape the emptiness, self-doubt, anger and gazillion other craptastic emotions I thought I couldn’t handle.
Looking back, I can see that my so-called coping mechanism only perpetuated my state of pain. Bulimia in particular is a brutal and lonely addiction. At the time, the shame and emptiness I felt after binging + purging seemed more tolerable than letting my feelings rise to surface.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
The reason we eat when we’re not hungry is to escape a feeling we don’t want to feel. We use food to numb, to distract, and to cover up our scary + uncomfortable + painful emotions.
For many of us, food is the go-to distraction of choice. It’s cheap, accessible and tasty. For others – it’s alcohol or drugs or sex or shopping.
This is the final post of my non-diet weight loss strategy series – and quite possibly the most important. If you simply make the decision to feel your emotions instead of eating to avoid them, you will lose weight.
Once I made the decision to start feeling instead of overeating or binging and puking, I was terrified. There was nothing to help me dull the pain.
I had to learn to let my feelings be. But I also learned that they would pass. All things pass eventually. It’s like watching a raft float down a river from the riverbank. We see the raft in the distance, it floats by – and then it vanishes from sight.
When we allow our feelings to be, without trying to distract ourselves – they eventually float away.
If you choose to feel, there are rewards – like wisdom. Our feelings have so much to teach us – if we’d only allow them in.
But when we push back + bury + hide from our feelings, they often send a messenger designed to remind us to feel. That messenger is anxiety. Anxiety can persist – unlike fear or anger or sadness.
Anxiety isn’t a raft in a river. It’s a boat in a still lake.
The next time you notice yourself wanting to push back the fear or overwhelm or self-doubt, try this instead…
Step 1. Identify the feeling. Be as specific as you can. Is it humiliation or inadequacy or shame? Ask – what am I feeling right now? Get clear. Thesaurus.com can come in handy during this step of the process.
Step 2. Grab your ugly purse!
I can’t remember exactly where I heard this, but a brilliant coach or colleague once said…
Sometimes you have to carry your emotions around with you like an ugly purse.
After you identify your feeling, choose a purse to carry with you. I promise, you won’t have to carry it for long. The feeling will pass. You’ll survive. You can handle ANY emotion. Choosing your ugly purse might even cause you to laugh a little. And laughing is ALWAYS a good thing.
I use this strategy often – like several times a week. In fact, I’ve even created an ugly purse Pinterest board. The avocado backpack cracks me up. I “carry” it when I’m taking life a bit too seriously.
Step 3. Write down the thoughts you’re thinking that are creating the feeling. For example…
Now you’ll be tempted, but please don’t try to ignore or distract or stuff the feeling down. Stuffing it down is like trying to hold a raft underwater. Capisce?
Grab a pen and a piece of paper – and writewritewritewrite.
The fear of feeling our emotion is a much bigger problem than the emotion itself.
Read that again.
If you’re anything like me (a master of trying to NOT feel), this will be hard – at first. You’ll resist feeling. Your inner 4 year old will kick and scream and want to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s instead.
But you can do hard things.
And it’s so very worth it. The only way around is through.
Feel more, eat less.
XO ~Robyn
Robyn Spurr is a Once Obese Chick, Certified Weight Loss Coach, Personal Trainer and founder of Chickadee Weight Loss.
She helps women learn to manage their emotions without food and reach their healthy, natural weight without all the diet craziness.
