Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

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The Tool That Will Change Your Life (Thought Modeling 101)

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Pull up a chair + grab a pen and paper – you’re about to be introduced to the world’s greatest mind ninja life altering awesome-ness.

The model is designed to help you change the thoughts that are causing you to suffer. This process isn’t about repeating inconceivable mantras (I am perfection) or escaping raw pain (a friend or family members death, losing a job). It’s about deliberately choosing thoughts that feels better and are believable to you. Occasionally we can make big leaps using the model (e.g. stuck to motivated), but many times we simply take a small steps in a more positive direction (e.g. devastated to disappointed).

This tool can be used to create an entirely new belief system and to replace outdated programming from your childhood and your past.

If you use this model, you will become aware of your thoughts. You will become more conscious. You will become more awakened. You will discover the cause behind your negative emotions. You will have a way to feel better.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Circumstances (things that happen in the world that we can’t control) trigger our…
Thoughts (sentences in our minds), cause…
Feelings (vibrations in our bodies caused by our thoughts), motivate our…
Actions (behaviors, what we do in the world) bring about…
Results  (the effect of our actions)

Negative Thinking Leads to Negative Results

After feeling a little stuck lately, I decided it was time for some self-coaching.

Current Model

Circumstance (the facts) – I have a body, a job, a life
Thought – Good enough
Feeling  – unmotivated, resignation
Action – Continue to do the same thing
Result – No growth in my life, same level of fitness, business is stagnant, slight dissatisfaction

New Model

Circumstance (the facts) – I have a body, a job, a life
Thought – Just a little more (love, effort, awareness, attention, pushing out of my comfort zone)
Feeling  – resolve, purpose, motivation
Action – step up workouts, look at ways to improve/grow business, more attention on nutrition
Result – Take life/work/relationships to the next level, stronger, more confident

There is never a time when you are not responsible for how you feel. You might be faced with a circumstance or a person who you believe is causing your feelings, but you are always the one who decides how to feel. It is not what happens to you, it is what you believe about what happens to you that causes your feelings.

Another example from one of my clients…

Current Model

Circumstance (fact) – my body in the mirror
Thought (sentence in your mind) – I hate my body
Feeling (one word emotions) – disgust, disconnection, shame
Action (what you do) – squeeze into clothes that are too tight because I refuse to buy a bigger size, mentally beat myself up, go and eat a bunch of cookies
Result (outcome) – continue to gain weight, feel uncomfortable in my clothes, emotional pain/suffering

New Model

Circumstance (fact) – my body in the mirror
Thought – This is my body
Feeling – awareness, neutral
Action – find clothes that fit and flatter my current body, keep working towards my goals
Result – clothes I feel good in, less emotional pain, wanting from a place that feels good (instead of wanting to escape the pain)

There are an unlimited number of examples. I can’t do anything right. My life is so stressful. I’ll always be fat. It’s not fair. She doesn’t respect me. 

This post is a brief overview. If you want to dive in a little deeper, I highly suggest reading Self-Coaching 101. Then practice – and practice some more. Reading about a tool is lovely, but in order to change you have to DO the work.

Observe your thoughts with compassion and look at your life through a lens of curiosity and fascination, not judgement. We cannot always control the circumstances of our lives, but we can always choose how we think and feel about them. Choose wisely.

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Lessons From Iceland

The hubby and I just returned from a 7 night trip to Iceland, yes Iceland. When we announced our travel plans nearly 2 months ago, I heard an awful lot of – really, why in the world would you go to ICE-land?

Just before leaving the land of fire and ice, I posted the following status on my Facebook wall:

Why I Love Iceland:

Nature – Waterfalls, fjords, Northern lights, cliffs, flowers, rainbows, black sand beaches, volcanos, glaciers. Nature has a way of soothing the mind and inspiring the spirit like nothing else. Seriously, just look at these pictures (we took nearly 600):

The Food – One word – fresh! Iceland has some of the richest fishing waters in the world. I enjoyed trout, salmon, scallops, cod, langa, char and langoustine (the BEST lobster tails I’ve ever tasted).

And the lamb, don’t even get me started.

Did you know that you can get the most delicious lamb stew in gas stations all over the country – yes, gas stations!

Simplicity – The architecture and decor is simple. Most of our hotel rooms were uncomplicated – but in a good way. White walls. White comforters. Simple, uncluttered and clean. Ahh!

Petta Reddast – Icelanders are some of the most optimistic in the world. All that omega-3? The fresh air? A survival strategy (months of darkness, volcano eruptions, financial meltdowns)? Who knows for sure. But it’s kind of awesome. In Iceland there is a phrase, well sort of a national motto – petta reddast. It basically means – this will all work out one way or another. I think I’ll tattoo it on my forehead.

Non-Seriousness – This might be one of the best things about Iceland. I have a tendency to take life a little way too seriously. Confession: I actually belong to a private Facebook forum called, support for taking life too seriously. I shit you not, here’s the proof…

I’ve made major progress in the past 5 or 6 years, but I still aspire to be one of those, let it slide kind of folks. One day.

I love how Alda Sigmunsdottir describes this aspect of the culture, The Little Book of the Icelanders:

“The Icelanders just cannot take anything too seriously – least of all themselves. Indeed, taking yourself too seriously is considered a minor crime in Iceland, and instantly makes you a target for all sorts of ridicule.”

I could go on and on. My husband and I plan to return again in a few years (maybe sooner), this time exploring the Western fjords and northern part of the country. We never travel for the sake of going on a vacation. We travel to observe unfamiliar cultures, gain a different perpective and immerse ourselves in something new. You’ll never see us parked on a resort beach in Mexico for a week – not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not our thing.

If you happen to love adventure and natural beauty, go and book some tickets – like now. Most folks visit in the summer (keep in mind you will NOT see the Northern lights with all that daylight). I’ve always been a fan of shoulder seasons – when there are fewer tourists, but the weather is still nice. September is beautiful, but can be rather rainy – we got very lucky.

I asked around, and most locals suggested late May or early June, though several struggled to name their favorite time of year. Guess we’ll have to return until we’ve visited during each season – oh darn.

Until then, I’m going to incorporate the lessons I learned. Slow down, enjoy nature, eat locally and seasonally and of course, don’t take it all so seriously!

 

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Salmon Fishing and No Fail Goal Setting

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Last night, the hubby and I watched Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. As is typical in our household, one topic starts us down a totally unrelated path. The conversation went something like…

Me: I wonder where the desert scenes were filmed?

Brett: Google it, I’m curious too.

Me: Ooh Morocco – we should totally go there someday.

Brett: Maybe next year – we’re both turning 40.

Me: Wow, that’s crazy – I can’t believe we’re turning 40. I’m gonna set some goals – like finally letting my hair grow.

Brett: You always say that.

Me: This time I really mean it. Collar length, like Emily Blunt in the movie. Let’s make a bet.

Brett: Okay, $500 on your 40th if you don’t cut your hair. Otherwise, you owe me.

Me: Done!

emily-blunt-hair-makeup-nbr-awards-gala-2013

Morocco? Long hair? Turning 40? Where’s this going? Goal setting – that’s where.

There is often a misalignment between what we say we want and what we’re actually committed to. Running a marathon, losing 30 pounds by summer or growing our hair may sound like a great plan, but if we aren’t truly committed – we won’t succeed.

Over the years, I’ve played around with different versions of goal setting. I finally discovered, through trial and error, a method that leaves me excited about my future rather than overwhelmed or feeling like a big loser. And the good news is – it’s pretty simple.

Let’s begin by answering the big juicy question – what creates commitment?

  1. Desire: You have to want to change more than you want to stay the same.
  2. Belief: You must believe your goal is achievable.
  3. Willingness: You must be willing to do what it takes.

List your goals and ask yourself the following questions for each one:

  1. Is this what I really want?
  2. Is this goal reasonable and achievable?
  3. Am I willing to do what it takes to reach this goal?

If the answer to all three questions isn’t a resounding Y-E-S, then go back and revise your commitments until you can respond to each question with a hell yeah!

Even the slightest success will inspire you to keep moving in the right direction.

Think about it –  I did it is more motivating than I failed again. When creating goals, always work to set yourself up for success. No accomplishment is too small.

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My Soul-Stirring Book List

Oh books, how I love thee! If a magic genie came along, took away my responsibilities and told me that I could spend the rest of my days reading – I’d surely pass on at a ripe old age with a stack of books still waiting to be read.

My love affair with reading began later in life. I was always a science girl – preferring Aububon guides to “real” books. In High School, I happily enrolled in honors math and science classes, but said no thanks to honors english – which completely bewildered my guidance counselor. It appears I turned out okay – despite this “radical” decision.

Although my list of favorite books is quite extensive, there are a few that have had a marked impact on my life. You know, the kind of read that stirs the soul and inspires you to want to be a better person.

Will these books change your life? I can’t say. What I can say is that progress happens when we take full responsibility for ourselves. Own your life and don’t play victim. Blaming others will only keep you stuck.

Curious – Todd Kashdan

  • “Imagine your own death. Even though we might not like to think about it, there is nothing we can do to prevent it. It’s inevitable. Picture the engraving on your tombstone after decades of sticking with your current routine. On your tombstone is a single paragraph about the life you led. It talks about your personality, your accomplishments and contributions, your missteps and failings. What’s it going to say? If you keep doing what you’re doing, are you going to like what it says? What don’t you like? What do you like? What becomes your life story? We are talking about your legacy, your mark on the world.”

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living – Dale Carnegie

  • “When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.”
  • “Let’s not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember life is too short to be little.”
  • “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – Betty Smith

  • “Forgiveness is a gift of high value. Yet its cost is nothing.”
  • “People always think that happiness is a faraway thing,” thought Francie, “something complicated and hard to get. Yet, what little things can make it up; a place of shelter when it rains – a cup of strong hot coffee when you’re blue; for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you’re alone – just to be with someone you love. Those things make happiness.”

The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

  • “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”
  • “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.
  • “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
  • “We’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude.”

Happy reading.

XOXO ~Robyn