Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

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Yellow Nails and Purple Hair

While waiting for my nails to dry at the salon today, a little girl, maybe 4 or 5 and her Mom walked in. Mom was scheduled for a manicure and the little girl was having her toenails painted.

Mom asked her to pick out a color and the little girl chose a bright taxicab yellow. Mom said no, choose another one and suggested pink. The little girl picked up another yellow polish and asked, this one? Mom said no again and suggested yet another pink polish. I’m not sure what the outcome was. My nails were dry and I decide to leave.

My heart broke for that little girl. Her desire for yellow nails got me thinking.

So many women (and men) worry constantly about being judged. We conform in order to fit in. We do things we don’t want to do. We dress in clothes deemed acceptable and appropriate by others. We often choose a life of lies over an authentic one.

I admire Lady Gaga for this exact reason. If you haven’t seen her recent interview with Oprah, you should. Lady Gaga is one remarkable chick and so is her mother Cynthia.

I’ve done quite a bit of self coaching around this topic. Some folks consider me unconventional.

I moved across the country, married outside of my faith and have no children. I’ve voluntarily changed careers over and over, until finding one that filled my heart and soul with joy. I’ve sported nearly every hair color, including blonde with purple highlights just a few months back.

My best friend Cindy is nearly 60 years old (I’m 37). My other dear friend is a 70 year old ex-Wall Street trader who currently resides in Taos, New Mexico (the place I intend to call home one day). Terry, or Doc as he is affectionately known to most, is living life by his own damn rules. And having a blast!

And this is my crazy, bright dining room.

Choosing to live an authentic life has brought me so much happiness. I admit that I still struggle from time to time. It’s so much easier to conform.

Fear, conformity, immorality: these are heavy burdens. They drain us of creative energy. And when we are drained of creative energy, we do not create. We procreate, but we do not create. ~David McCallum

I love Chris Guillebeau’s blog, The Art of Non-Conformity.

This is Chris’s philosophy, which I’ve come to adopt as my own:

1. You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.

2. You can do good things for yourself and help other people at the same time.

3. If you don’t decide for yourself what you want to get out of life, someone else will probably end up deciding for you.

4. There is usually more than one way to accomplish something.

Take a moment and ask yourself the following. Are you being true to yourself? And if not, ask  yourself why that is?

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Curiosity, Carburetors and Weight Loss

I thought that title might get your attention. It’ll all make sense, promise.

Curiosity

A few years ago I picked up a little book by professor and clinical psychologist, Todd Kashdan. I can’t recall how I stumbled upon it (maybe twitter), but Dr. Kashdan’s Curious changed my life. You should read it. Good stuff.

While reading that book, I had my very first aha moment. I heard Oprah talk about aha moments over the years. A moment of clarity. The instant at which the solution to a problem becomes clear. A defining moment where you gain real wisdom.

All just words, until that day.

Something about the book flipped a switch in my head. Happiness isn’t something you find or stumble upon or buy. It’s a result of inquisitiveness, learning new things and living in awe.

Carburetors

When I left the gym this morning, there was an old, avocado green Chevy pickup parked next to my beloved 2002 Land Cruiser.

Like this one, only more well “loved”. I stood there, curiously studying it.

The owner was standing nearby, noticed my stare and asked if he parked too close to me. I chuckled, told him no and mentioned that I’m simply fascinated by old trucks. Amused, he proceeded to tell me the year (1971), when he bought and restored it (1991) and how old Chevy parts are so much cheaper than old Toyota parts.

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy talking to strangers?

For several years, I’ve been obsessed with purchasing an old Ford Bronco. Why? Because it’s a badass truck. And I love badass trucks.

After my conversation with the parking lot stranger, I decided that I should learn more about working on and restoring old trucks. I told my hubby (he was thrilled), started researching classes and ordered a few books. I instantly felt that warm and happy glow of curiosity fill my spirit.

Will I actually learn to restore an old Ford Bronco? Who knows and who cares. Maybe I’ll get bored after a week. Maybe I’ll make tons of dough restoring and selling old trucks. Maybe it’ll be the best thing I ever did.

Weight Loss

Robyn, how does this post have anything to do with weight loss?

After reading Todd Kashdan’s book, I decided that it was time to take life to the next level. I decided in that moment to lose the last 15 pounds and become a personal trainer.

I’ve never been much of an athlete AND my friends and family told me I was insane AND it would require money, time, hard work and studying for a certification exam. I could have easily talked myself out of it. But I didn’t. Instead, I became curious. Could I really do it? I wanted to find out.

Curiosity doesn’t always lead to a new career or passion. I’ve tried lots of new things that ultimately, just weren’t for me. Knitting. Belly Dancing. Working in Corporate America. That doesn’t make the experience a waste of time. Failure is success if we learn from it.

Get Excited

You can’t suffer or fight your way thin. I’ve seen too many women try this approach (and fail). I’ve been that woman. You need to be excited and curious about the journey. It’s the same for anything in life.

If you dread gardening, how can you expect to have a healthy and glorious yard full of flowers? Gardens need patience, nurturing and love. SO DO WE!

If you’re struggling to lose weight, try getting curious about life. Figure out what excites you and inspires you to get out of bed in the morning. Explore a new passion. Create more joy. Talk to strangers. And accept yourself as you are at this very moment.

THEN try to lose the weight. It’s so much easier that way. Believe me, I know.

One more thing. I’m curious – why does curious have a “u”, but not curiosity? Drove me mad while writing this. Hooray for spell check!

 

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Talking to Strangers

Putting a voice to your soul helps you let go of the negative energy of fear and regret. ~Shannon Alder

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When I was a little girl, I was shy. Not your typical, run of the mill shy. I’m talking shy with a capital S-H-Y! The mere possibility of having to speak to a stranger sent me into a state of panic.

There was this little Italian Delicatessen called Natoli’s a few blocks from my house in Secaucus. It was one of hundreds, maybe thousands, that dot the streets of Northern New Jersey.

My Dad and I would occasionally walk to Natoli’s to pick up our weekly Friday night pizza pie. The owner of Natoli’s was a big jovial guy named Steve – and Steve scared the shit out of me!

Wait, what? How does jovial equal scary?

Steve would always give kids free candy. And that meant saying thank you. I didn’t want to say thank you. No way!

Let me explain…

I wasn’t being purposefully rude. I most certainly recognized the kind gesture. It’s just that speaking words, out-loud, to someone I didn’t know, was downright terrifying for me.

So instead of going into a store where I was guaranteed a free sugar rush, I would wait on the steps outside. Just to avoid speaking.

As I got older, my social awkwardness prompted lots of folks to label me as a bitch. I wasn’t a bitch. I was just an introverted and shy girl with low self esteem and tons of anxiety.

A few years back, I noticed that I would think nice thoughts about people, but never say them out loud.

  • “I love her hair”
  • “That scarf is fabulous”
  • “Her eyes are stunning”

I’d really want to say something – anything, but couldn’t muster up the courage to get the words out. Maybe some of you can relate.

One day, while at the library, a woman stopped me and told me that I looked radiant. Yes, she actually used the word radiant. I was shocked, in a good way of course – and it felt AMAZING!

A compliment from a complete stranger is powerful. Much more powerful than one from Uncle Joe or your best friend. It takes you by surprise. That moment changed me.

Since that day in the library, I’ve given hundreds of compliments – always authentic. They’re simply the words in my head, spoken out loud. That shy little girl is a distant memory. She’s blossomed into a confident women thanks to the support of friends, family and a handful of amazing therapists and coaches. Thank God for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).

So, next time you think a nice thought about a stranger, tell them. Watch their face light up and notice how sparkly and amazing you feel.

Truth is, it’s even better to give than to receive. And not all strangers are scary. Okay some, but not all.

So go and use your words Chickadees. Spread the love. Be a force of good on this planet. Because we can always use more love and kindness.

And that bitch you know – maybe you don’t know the whole story.

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Positively Selfish

This post was inspired by my beloved massage therapist, Bryn. She simply exudes joy, kindness and optimism. Just like an “it” girl!

Here’s Bryn’s Facebook status from a few days ago. The one that got me thinking….

“I was telling a friend today that I’m a totally selfish person and she disagreed. So I had to clarify, I’m not the negative kind of selfish, I’m positively selfish.”

Confused? Isn’t selfishness, ANY kind of selfishness a bad thing?

I’m not surprised you feel that way and you’re not alone. We’re programmed from day one to believe that thought.

Let me elaborate.

I was watching an episode of Oprah’s Life Class with Iyanla Vanzant when I heard these brilliant words…

“It’s self-full to be first. To be as good as possible to you. To take care of you. To keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everyone and everybody. But you want to come with your cup full.”

We all know that person, the one who gives and gives and gives, but never takes time to fill their own cup, their own soul. Maybe that’s you. How does it feel?

The self-full woman. The woman who take the time to replenish her body, mind and spirit. How do you think she feels?

Well, I can tell you. She feels positively ALIVE. She can’t wait to get out of bed and embrace each new day. She feels her emotions deeply and she loves deeply. She lives in complete wonderment.

So, let me ask you. How full is your cup?