Robyn Spurr

Personal Health and Weight Loss Coaching For Women

Coaching Tools

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5 Steps for Unwinding Body Shame

It’s entirely NORMAL to experience negative body image days. It’s NORMAL to not love what you see in the mirror or in a photo sometimes.

Welcome to the club my friend.

But you don’t have to stay stuck in that place. You don’t have to layer feelings of guilt and shame about feeling bad on top of ALREADY feeling crummy.

Today I’m sharing a process to help you unwind a negative body image spiral – so you can get on with living your amazing life.

Because the world needs you.

This process is based on the work of many brilliant minds in this area.

If you practice consistently, it will become easier to flow through and come out the other side more quickly.

Which reminds me – you WILL feel bad again. It’s okay. Attaining some kind of permanent body love nirvana is like thinking life can be sunshine and rainbow unicorns 24/7.

It’s not realistic. Not in a culture that puts SO MUCH emphasis on how we look.

But fewer episodes of negative body thoughts and moving through them with grace and compassion are within reach.

So how do you do it?

#1 Practice Grace

When your mind is spiraling – and the guilt and shame and sadness and disappointment are welling up – practice being kind and compassionate with yourself.

It’s okay.

It’s normal.

Nothing has gone wrong.

Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad about your body. It’s not realistic to love your body all the time.

Piling even MORE difficult emotions on top of what you’re already feeling simply fuels the fire – and keeps us stuck and spinning and disempowered.

#2 Get Centered

Remember: this is not an emergency. Even though it FEELS like an emergency. I get it. I’ve been there. I was JUST there. Today. In yoga class.

Freaking out leads to one place  –  a desire to FIX IT NOW! And fixing it now usually looks like ANOTHER restrictive diet. Or not eating for the rest of the day. Or getting on the treadmill for 2 hours. Or googling lose 20 pounds in 7 days.

Please don’t.

Truth bomb: the ONLY thing that changed is your mindset. Before the triggering event, you were OKAY. You are still OKAY.

  • You saw a picture from your family vacation
  • You looked in the mirror
  • Someone tagged you on Facebook
  • A friend lost 20 pounds
  • You put on a pair of jeans
  • You compared yourself to someone else

The triggering event caused a mindset shift – and we can manage our mindset right here, right now.

#3 Understand

When we understand how we got to this place. When we recognize what’s making us feel like our body is a problem (which it is NOT) – it becomes easier to work through it.

Begin by naming the emotion(s) you’re feeling.

I feel…

  • Unattractive
  • Not good enough
  • Unworthy
  • Ugly
  • Embarrassed
  • Sad
  • Angry

Naming our emotions helps us process them.

As children, we’re often told to calm down, to suck it up, to be strong, to get over it. As a result, when we experience difficult emotions we tend to resist them. We push them down. We feel shame for feeling bad.

Your emotions have value. All of them. And they can teach you powerful lessons.

Keep digging.

Why do you feel this way? What led to this? Is there a pattern? Does this frequently occur when you’re with a certain person – or in a certain situation?

If we can identify a pattern, we can prepare ourselves ahead of time.

Hmm, when I’m around my sisters, I often have a negative body image flare up.

Good to know.

Now – ask yourself what you really need in this moment.

What you don’t need is an hour devoted to researching the latest fad diets or looking at pictures of yourself when you weighed less.

We’ve all done this, right? I know I have. And it feels TERRIBLE.

What do you really need?

  • A hug?
  • To go for a walk and clear your head?
  • A funny podcast?
  • Reassuring words from a trusted friend or partner?
  • To get your hands dirty in your garden?

Give yourself what you REALLY need.

#4 Unwind Your Mind

When we’re in a negative space, shifting to feeling positive about our bodies is challenging. Consider aiming for neutrality (or simply feeling a little better).

Find a personal mantra that resonates with you. One that feels true.

What do you need to hear? What would a wise + supportive friend say to you?

Some ideas…

I don’t need to fix this.

This is not an emergency.

My body is an instrument, not an ornament.

I’m not supposed to look like anyone else.

#5 Gratitude

Try practicing a little gratitude for what your body can DO.

Function over form.

Thank you for the gift of being able to hike (or do yoga or pet the dog or watch the sunset or laugh).

Thank you for the ability to hug the people I love.

Thank you for the ability to smell this lavender candle (or the rain in the air or the blissful scent of petunias).

Thank you for allowing me to savor this delicious latte.

Thank you for the ability to explore new and exciting places.

Each time you practice these steps it will become easier to pull yourself out of the spiral. It will become easier to recognize when it’s happening. It will become easier to be kind + compassionate with yourself.

Your body is more than an ornament to decorate this world.

Your body is an instrument.

An instrument of power and badassery and magic.

And the world needs your magic.

More than ever.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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Change Strategies For Perfectionists

Most of my clients are self-described perfectionists.

So is their coach.

We tend to have high expectations and can be brutally hard on ourselves when we don’t meet our expectations.

Whenever you’re trying to change your behavior or establish a new habit, you will absolutely fail to do it perfectly.

As perfectionists, this is hard to accept.

Perfectionists are strongly motivated to avoid mistakes. Because mistakes lead to worry + overthinking + ruminating. And this behavior intensifies our emotional pain to the point it’s out of proportion to the situation.

We want to feel absolutely ready before taking on new challenges.

So we plan and prepare and think about taking action, instead of taking action.

Change Strategies for Perfectionists:

Learn from successes.The idea of learning from your mistakes is likely to feel too threatening to a perfectionist.

An alternative is to learn from your successes.

By reflecting on the pathways that led to your successes, you’ll be able to see that you achieved a meaningful end despite hitting bumps en route or being 100% certain of success in advance.

Ask yourself “How could I improve by 1%?” This is especially useful if you’re prone to overcomplicating solutions to problems. Because perfectionists want to be flawless, they’re typically dismissive of small gains.

Attempting 1 percent improvements is a smart strategy, particularly when…

  • Change feels too hard.
  • You’re someone who tends to overcomplicate solutions to problems, and you get stuck in thinking mode rather than taking action.
  • There’s something you want to do, but you’re struggling to find the time and energy.

If you’re struggling to achieve your health goals because it’s either do it all perfectly or not at all, consider asking yourself this question…

What would a small step toward my goal look like?

Start there.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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What Kind of Teacher Are You?

Imagine it’s your first day of Kindergarten. You’re nervous and excited and curious and bouncing with energy.

Throughout the day, your teacher cheers you on and praises what you do well…

  • What a beautiful picture.
  • Thank you for putting the crayons away.
  • What excellent manners you have.

You’re beaming.

On the second day of school, you enthusiastically race through the doors.

Now imagine, if on that first day, your teacher cruelly pointed out everything you did WRONG…

  • You’re not very good at coloring are you? That’s terrible.
  • Why can’t you spell your name? What’s wrong with you? Are you stupid?
  • You’re not as pretty as the other girls in this class.

It’s an extreme (and improbable) example, but imagine how you would feel at the end of the day.

Would you be excited to learn and grow and improve and return on the second day? Of course not.

Yet most of us speak to ourselves like the cruel teacher (day in and day out) and wonder why we feel stuck and unmotivated.

I’ve been studying the work of B.J. Fogg recently – a Behavior Scientist and Director of the Stanford Behavior Design Lab.

The guy knows what he’s talking about when it comes to behavior change.

Here’s what he has to say (in a nutshell)…

Emotions help us engrave + deepen our behaviors. If you want a behavior to stick, celebrate it as you’re doing it – and immediately after.

It’s VERY important to celebrate your little wins, no matter how small they are.

For most of us, it’s easy to criticize ourselves and difficult to praise ourselves.

But in order for our brains to learn new behaviors, we NEED praise + celebration + recognition + positive feedback. WE NEED TO FEEL GOOD.

Always look for ways you can celebrate your new behaviors IMMEDIATELY.

Even if it’s…

Hey, I didn’t screw it up TOO badly.

Celebration + compassion + congratulations on every small victory, no matter how tiny, works WAY better than criticism!

Just ask ANY teacher.

And if you don’t believe me, try an experiment…

High-five yourself joyfully and lovingly for a few days for every miniscule achievement. Even silly stuff like, “I washed my face today,” and notice how you feel compared to when you criticize the crap out of yourself for every “failure” or “mistake”.

Be a KIND teacher to yourself – and see what happens.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.

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Decisions From Strength

Most of our regrettable choices are made when we feel rushed, overwhelmed, or under pressure…

  • The hideous $200 pair of sandals you bought (ON SALE!!!) after a particularly rough day.
  • The drive through burger + fries + shake instead of making dinner because the kids pushed you over the edge (for the FOURTH time that week).
  • The second bottle of wine because, “Come on, you only live once!”

If you know you’ll be exhausted and stressed and HANGRY at the end of the day, make the decision about what you’ll eat AHEAD OF TIME.

That may mean prepping some meals on Sunday that simply need to be heated up – or using a meal delivery service – or scoping out some healthy fast food options.

If you know you’ll be rushing out the door in the morning (AGAIN) and will inevitably grab a muffin, maybe prep a bunch of overnight oats that are grab and go.

Whenever possible, make decisions IN ADVANCE, when you’re feeling calm + strong + steady + clear.

Plan + prepare when you’re at your BEST. Then all you have to do is execute.

XO ~Robyn

Interested in a one-on-one coaching relationship with me? It would be an honor to work with you if and when the time feels right.

To learn more about Personal Health Coaching click HERE. 

To schedule a Discovery Session click HERE.